Wife Is Leaving After 25 Years

Dear Sara,

I have been married for twenty-five years and my wife is leaving me. I can’t tell you what a shock this is. She waited until all of the kids were raised and on their own and said that she did her job and now she’s done. I know I am not the best husband. I’m about fifty pounds overweight and I smoke a lot. I said I would change but she said it wouldn’t make any difference, she just wanted to be free. It’s not very manly but I cry a lot. What should I do?

-Carl




Dear Carl,

It sounds like your wife has made up her mind so it’s up to you to take care of yourself. It’s OK to cry and grieve and with time you will gradually feel better. I’m sure your doctor would agree with me that you need to lose the fifty pounds and quit smoking. Don’t sit at home and dwell on your sorrow. Join a gym and start taking care of yourself. You still have time to find somebody else who can be part of your life.

-Sara

Comments

  1. aydene t Militello says:

    Somewhere around twenty five years of marriage the marriage ends because a woman feels she needs her own life, he’s controlling; though often times simply wants to be part of much that she controls. He has his outside life and she feels she has none, though generally she has friends and the kids all day. Sometimes the kids are an unfair burden, and her friends are talking divorce. He’ the last to know! Most of the issues surrounding marriage I believe are related to maturity, level of maturity is seldom equal, but time can level it out. Guess what, all animals know how to play and for whatever reason Humans tend to forget that. Finding some one new oft time only leads to seeking and finding the same person and the same issues. Problem: NO FUN!

  2. Michael says:

    My wife did the same thing and I found out that she had a guy that she was seeing. She moved out and moved in with him. I felt the same as you. After six months of the hell she put me through I met the most amazing woman and we are celebrating our 29th anniversary this year. Life goes on and gets way better.

  3. Go out and find a young lover. Good reddens to the old hag.

  4. Jerrold Terdiman says:

    Even though she is leaving she is not gone.
    You should strive to remain on good terms.
    And continue as close friends to help each other as much as possible.

    This will be in honor of your previous 25 years together.

  5. apparently your wife has been thinking of this for a very long time and i can tell you from my own experience that the best thing to do is to begin a new life for yourself..and start thinking about all those things that you never had a chance to do. in the beginning you will feel lost and alone and wake up not knowing what or where to go next…bet the best thing that you can do is to live one day at a time and things will eventually get better. meet new people and get involved in different activities and if need be talk to your pastor or others. enjoy yourself and be happy to begin a new chapter in your life.

  6. Some Women & Men get involved with each other out of fear of being alone, and sometimes are unresponsive when it comes to Sex or Lovemaking. When a couple has one or more unplanned pregnancies, it’s both mates faults because relationships or most are 50/50 in terms of responsibility. When those things happen, and not because of love or wanton, and a couple Marries, it’s not out of love, but of moral pressure. It’s inevitable one spouse or the other is most likely going too leave the other for someone else they really do love. Responsibility is very Important.

  7. I LOST MY WIFE OF 57 YEARS IN 2013, STILL MISS HER, SHE WAS THE ONE WHO MADE LIFE GOOD,
    LOSEING A SPOUSE AS YOU DID AND TO DEATH LIKE I DID ARE BOTH HEART BREAKING, AND MAKE LIFE GOING FWD REAL SAD. YOU CAN DISCOVER A NEW LOVE TO FILL YOUR HEART, I FEEL LIKE I WILL GO ON W/O ANY ONE. TOO OLD NOW.

  8. Sahat Pakpahan says:

    I am surprised for the reason she left as you said : ” She waited until all of the kids were raised and on their own and said that she did her job and now she’s done”, meaning she is a good woman
    I have experience almost the same as yours and actually there is always 3rd person involved, but for me it is OK.
    I am 49yrs old and I hope you are younger so why not to start a new life, stop crying, go to gym/swimming pool to reduce weight,stop smoking and find another woman and enjoy life but stay connected with your kids.
    For me you must happy because you are ex wife give you the oppurninity to live with

  9. Bob Green says:

    In your case reconciliation does not appear to be an option. So, get your act together, quit smoking, start a diet and stick to it. Don’t dwell on the past! The best revenge is to be happy. If you feel down, listen to Billy Joel’s song “My Life”… repeatedly until you feel better. There are a lot of women out there whose former husband betrayed them –“traded them in” for a younger model. Join a singles group for older persons Be open and honest about your situation and you can find someone with whom to share the rest your life. And I agree, stay connected with your children. They are your legacy, too. Oh, see an attorney and change your will and the beneficiary on any life insurance policy you may have. Since the children are all now adults, child support would not be ordered, but there’s always alimony. Good luck to you, Carl.

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