What to do in an Abusive Situation

Dear Sara,
My husband has been hitting me. If I say the least thing that aggravates him he will smack my fact or punch me in the arm. He works really and is tired a lot and says he can’t stand it when I talk back to him. This has gotten worse in the last few years. He calls and checks up on me at work but won’t even tell me where he is or what he’s doing. We have two boys ages nine and seven and I don’t think it’s a good example for them to see this. I know this isn’t right but I can’t see how could survive on my own. What can I do?
No name please.

Dear Friend,
You are right. It is not OK for your husband to hit you and it’s a really bad example for your sons. You could try getting your husband to go to counseling but men who abuse women often do not want this kind of help. Find a counselor who specializes in domestic abuse and go on your own. You need someone to talk to who understands what you are going through. You may just need someone to help you figure out what to do. Be prepared. Look for the domestic violence help line in you are in case you feel that you are in danger.
If you try to leave things could get worse. Do what it takes to keep you and your kids safe.
Good luck.
Sara

9 Replies to “What to do in an Abusive Situation”

  1. Tell him if not counseling’s the next time you will call the police and have him put into jail and get a divorce because a true loving relationship doesn’t hit each other. Assure him this will happen for no one does it and gets away with it anymore

  2. Dear No Name, Your ‘Husband’ is a complete asshole. I am about to turn 62, and I have worked my butt off all of my life, and I have NEVER hit or otherwise physically abused ANY woman that I have been together with, let alone my WIFE!!! You seriously need to seek relevant counseling to decide on your course onward, as you cannot trust that what has been occurring isn’t going to get worse. You need to keep yourself and your children SAFE!!! In my opinion what you and your children need is an Abuse Shelter, and then after YOU feel enough time has gone by make a phone or email or mail contact with your Husband. If you do have a physical contact with him, if you do go to a shelter, make it in a very public place and have a witness along with you, and a discrete video taker, just in case of the worst.

  3. To the lady thats getting hit by her “tired” husband. There are all kinds of tired….and if you know nothing about his work or even if he is at work is much cause for concern. First there should be a zero policy against a man hitting any woman. Sorry dear…..the cards are being stacked against you snd you should begin to get your options in place. You have to take action for your sons sake. Bless you love…..

  4. this is for the lady who husband is hitting here. my husband was along distant truck driver and we had three sons. i could never do anything right. one day he was mad mad and he was working his fingers (first time) I never was scare of him – never. I looked at him and called him my name and these are the words i said
    NAME. YOU ARE STRONGER THAT I AM, AND BIGGER THAN I AM AND IF YOU EVER HIT ME YOU WILL HURT ME AND WHEN AND I GO DOWN YOU BETTER MAKE SURE I DO NOT GET UP. IF I DO. “YOU GOT TO SLEEP SOMETIMES ” “AND I WILL BLACK YOUR EYES OUT.” HE DROP HIS HANDS AND WALKED OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND I FINISHED COOKING SUPPER. HE NEVER TRIED IT AGAIN. NEVER.

  5. DEAREST ABUSED SARA, I SUGGEST THAT IF YOU HAVE A BIG BROTHER OR BIG DAD HAVE THEM GIVE A “TALK” TO THE LOUT WHO USES YOU AS AN OUTLET FOR HIS FAILLERS. MARRIAGE IS BEWEEN 2 PEOPLE WHO LOVE AND RESPECT EACH OTHER , YOU ARE NOT A SILENT PUNCHING BAG FOR THE IDIOT WHO ACTS LIKE A SCUM BAG , NOT A HUSBAND. TALK TO A GOOD FRIEND OR TRUSTWORTHY FAMILY MEMBER, AND IF ALL THAT FAILS CALL YOUR “HELP” HOT LINE . THE SCUM YOU LIVE WITH BELONGS IN PRISON WITH A SIGN ON HIS BACK TRATING THAT HE IS A WIFE BEATTER. THE KIDS ARE NEXT.

  6. Hit you? Why are you still there? And, Sara, why all the psych talk–this lady and her children are in danger. Period. If you’re going to give advice, give GOOD advice. There’s no such thing as one hit–and you, of all people, should know that. Give this woman names, addresses, phone numbers in her area so she can get out, be safe and involve law enforcement/legal help. This situation is already beyond the pale–and she needs to be freed from it, not try to remedy it with talk. Let the hitter seek talk help if he wants it–and it’s almost a guarantee that he won’t. Hitters almost never do because they have what they need–a punching bag to let off their steam.

  7. You need to get yourself and children away from him. Look up shelters for abused women. There are lots of organisations to help you. He has no excuse whatsoever for hitting you ever. Move out to a safe place file for divorce.

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