Thinking About Divorce

Dear Sara,

I know this isn’t about parenting but it may eventually affect my kids if I get a divorce. I am angry and hurt and depressed. I wanted to have a romantic evening on my birthday. I sent my kids to their grandparent’s house and had dinner with all of my husband’s favorite foods. He took off and went to his buddy’s house to watch a ball game. I hadn’t told him my plans and I guess he didn’t think about my birthday. I ate dinner about 8:00 PM and he came home around 10:00 PM. I just went to bed without saying anything. He didn’t have a clue why I was upset. I don’t know how to handle this lack of caring. Any suggestions?
-Jo Anna

Dear JoAnna,

It sounds like you have a communication problem. Your husband doesn’t have a clue how much a romantic evening means to you. If he didn’t grow up in an atmosphere where men were romantic, he may be unaware or uncomfortable. It’s up to you to very clear to your husband what your expectations are. Don’t leave it up to him to guess. He needs education in how to be romantic. If you expect a romantic evening and a gift it won’t be quite as romantic but tell him what you want preferably a week ahead of time. Don’t expect him to read your mind. If you want something special for Christmas, Easter or birthday be very clear with him. Your kids need to grow up seeing a father who cares about their mother. It gives your kids a sense of security to know their parents love each other.

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