Something Needs To Change

Dear Sara,

I have raised my four children and I think I did a pretty good job. They all seem to be doing OK financially and seem happy with their life.

My husband and I have very little in common and often eat dinner without any conversation except “pass the beans.” We sometimes see friends on the weekends but other than that my life is totally boring. I can’t complain because I have everything I want but I am totally bored. I could go back to school but that’s going to be expensive or I could get a job but I haven’t worked for so long that I doubt anyone would hire me. I don’t know what I want but I need something to change. How can I do this?

Dear Theresa,

The first thing you need to do is schedule an appointment with your doctor and get a physical. It sounds like you may be depressed. You may need some hormone therapy as well.

Once you get that taken care of think back to your younger days and see if there were goals that you had back then that you could work on now. Were you interested in art or hiking or helping others? There are lots of things that could get you out of the house and back into a more interesting life.

If you don’t think you can get a job, why don’t you try volunteer work? You may learn some skills there that could lead to a job.

Your husband may find you more interesting if you have interesting things to do.


  1. Theresa, there are many non-profit and for-profit companies that would welcome you as a volunteer.

  2. Dear Theresa,
    You were successful in your first career, raising four children to become independent adults.
    It’s hard to accept that our children don’t “need” us, but that was our goal as mothers.
    Now that you don’t have that goal and responsibility, life can feel boring.
    There is another world out there, even if you live in a small town.
    It sounds like you don’t need money to live, so look around you to see the volunteer options.
    Check out the local school, library, museum, veteran’s home, hospital, mobile meals to the elderly, your church, community theater, food pantry, arts organization, historical society….
    You might even find something your husband finds interesting!
    Years ago, I started volunteering at our community theater, as the house manager for at least one performance of each production. Our younger daughter started acting in some of the productions, and my husband started doing lights and/or sound. We had lots to discuss.
    I was on the board for the local women’s shelter and my husband found ways that he could help.
    I taught a class at our parish church, and ended up starting a bookstore as a volunteer.
    After he retired, my husband started going to a weekly “lunch bunch” that welcomed spouses.
    Now that we are both retired, we also go to a monthly “sociable seniors” lunch at a different restaurant each month.
    The possibilities are endless and you won’t be bored!

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