Something Has Changed

Dear Sara,

My daughter is a senior in high school this year. She was dating one of the football players at her high school and seemed happy most of the time. They broke up recently and she has changed. She cut her hair off. She had long black really pretty hair and she just cut it herself, really short. She dresses differently too and doesn’t fix herself up much. She also dropped a class he was in. So far she hasn’t confided in me but this is such a big change that I am really worried about her. How can I help?
-Rae Ann

Dear Rae Ann,

It does sound like something bad happened between your daughter and the football jock and she seems really traumatized by it. If she’s not ready to talk about it there probably isn’t much you can do at this point except to be there for her if she decides she wants to talk.

She may need someone to talk to who she thinks will be objective so you might want to find a therapist who is good with teens who might be able to get her to unload whatever is bothering her.

She really needs someone to confide in about this but she might feel that you would be emotional or critical of what she has to say. It might take a while for her to get through this so give her some room and be patient with her and be willing to listen to whatever she has to say.


  1. My son dated a girl for two years in high school. During the time they dated he let his hair grow and dressed in jeans and t-shirts. I believe he did this to please her. When they broke up he cut his hair and gave it to Locks of Love and began dressing in cargo pants and shirts with collars. He said he was just moving on. The break-up happened in July and he really didn’t open up to me until December. The issue was that they had made certain promises to each other about their relationship which she broke. I think your advice is spot on.

  2. being real, you may not find out for another 20-30 years.

  3. Iam silva and I came to USA 11 years ago as married but my husbend start to abuse me financially when I wasn’t speaking or understanding English he made me sighing prenuptial and he always scar me telling me I will be in trouble and not giving me any access to any bank account or any money and a week ago he attached me because I found a telephone that I don’t know about and all about women and cheating , the neighbor saw him hitting me and called the police and he was arrested and now he wants me to forgive him and not show up at court and I told him u have to take me to a lawyer so u can cancel the prenuptial that I did nt sign but he refused, what should I do in this case and he make the kids cry every day telling them mommy is taking me to court . Please help me

  4. Arlene Barton says:

    Let your daughter know that you are there for her. That you’ll listen when she’s ready to talk. Then back off & wait & pray.

  5. Silvia honey, plz be sure to do all u can to this asinine coward who hits on women, esp. his wife…do not take any krap from him, keep reporting him to the police; there are lawyers who specialise in these types of issues….get one….do not be mis led by his b.s. tell him to go to hell….or write me and I shall do so myself…..all the best to u and your children

  6. She is really hurting — so many things could have happened to cause her to try to make herself un-attractive by cutting her hair, not dressing attractively, etc.. Could they possibly have been very intimate and she is pregnant ? This is only one possibility, of course, but a real one. Or , she just feels guilty about the whole thing and doesn’t want to be bothered by any other boy right now ? There should be some opportunity for you to be able to talk with your daughter – even if it’s about little things – and perhaps she will feel she can open up about the things that happened… Don’t wait too long – you don’t want her to think noone cares about her.. Maybe you can take her on a shopping trip to help YOU pick out a new skirt or dress and tell her you need her help – and say that maybe she will see something SHE likes, too. Make it a fun time – have lunch somewhere you both like, do some window shopping, look at new perfumes, etc.. Hopefully, it won’t be as serious as the above possiblities – and she will be able to laugh at it in days to come… if not, the two of you will become closer and build trust so she can come to you whenever she is ready to talk about things…

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