Single Mom Needs To Socialize

Dear Sara,

I’m a single Mom with two kids ages four and six. I work and leave them in daycare during the day but never seem to get a break to socialize. My ex might (or might not) take them for one Sunday a month. He is good about paying his child support but can’t be bothered with our kids. I need to have a break from the responsibilities once and a while but babysitters are too expensive and my parents live in another state. I need to get out once in a while. How can I manage to do this?
-Ginger




Dear Ginger,

It is difficult to raise your kids without a support system. One thing you might consider is moving closer to your family. This could mean that your ex has less access to his children but it appears that he isn’t willing or interested in being a hands on father. Your kids need someone other than their Mom in their life who care about and love them.

Another option is to find someone in the same situation who would be willing to trade baby sitting services with you. It could be difficult caring for someone else’s children (for a time period determined by you both) but that might give you a night out or a weekend to do something fun. Ask around to see if anyone might be interested. You will want to be careful and check things out. If you don’t smoke, do they? Do you think their house is safe? Are they responsible with their own kids?

One other thing you could check out is the churches in your area. Sometimes they will have a “mother’s day out” program where you can leave your kids for a few hours. I hope you find something really helpful soon.
-Sara

Comments

  1. You need to be careful that your situation does not lead you into desperation. Be careful. Sometimes our need for companionship can cause bad friendships. There are people out there looking to take advantage of lonesome people. Jesus can give you guidance and hope as He says:
    John 10:10 (HCSB) A thief comes only to steal and to kill and to destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance.

    Fellowship in a good Church can normally bring peace for you and your children.
    Be careful that desperation does not cause trouble.
    Learn to talk with God.
    I found early in the day is the best time to hear that still quite voice of God as I read God’s Word. (The Bible)
    John 10:27-30 (HCSB)
    27 My sheep hear My voice, I know them, and they follow Me.
    28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish—ever! No one will snatch them out of My hand.
    29 My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all. No one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand.
    30 The Father and I are one.”

  2. Being a single mom is very tough. I did it and now my sons are adults. We do get wiser as we age and I wish I knew then what I know now. I have to admit your kids should always be your #1 concern and social life CAN take away from them the limited time you already have. I was too concerned about my social life at times while they were starving for my attention so be very mindful of their needs. My sons are 11 years apart in age but my youngest son needed more of me and I’m thankful to say I realized this while I still had the time before he got too much older to spend with him. Kids grow up so fast so be there for them while they’re still young! The quality time we spent taking hikes or walking around the mall were the best. On occasion we included his dad even though we were already divorced and it helped him so much to know we were BOTH there for him. Sadly, his dad died right before my son’s 19th birthday. We’re still very close but I honestly had to give up dating for a few years – and I survived! I’m really glad I made this sacrifice!

  3. Aunti shasha says:

    Meet some of the parents in the daycare. Friends of your children. Get to know then . Those you find to be a friend who you relate to comfortablely invite them over for two purposes . To know the mom and to see how you feel about the kids. Then you can talke about having nights out , exchanging sleep overs, I bet their are many moms wishing the same. I know I myself had many sleep overs of kids, and mine also at others parents. It works great. We all need our breaks and you just might make a few best friends while you are at it..

  4. Jane Briggs says:

    Form or join a mother’s united and do equal swaps. This works for lots of needs. You can swap sitting, housekeeping, pet sitting, sewing, yard work, clothes swaps, car pooling, or anything you would be willing to do to help someone else who needs some help too and can help you.

  5. Sara has some good points. Surely you have neighbors that will help and I realize there’s not much love your neighbor anymore. You were never meant to go it alone, it wasn’t designed that way. Pray for God to give you that well needed break he knows you need, and connect with your local church they are usually more than happy through their women’s ministry. Also there are county agencies and private non-profit’s that might be helpful give them a call.

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