Regaining Independence

Dear Sara,

I’ve been married five years now. I have a son age four. I only went out with my husband about three months before I married him but he seemed really nice and was good to me. Things have changed. He is very controlling and he has sold my car saying he doesn’t want to pay the insurance on it any more.. I can even take my son to the doctor if he’s not there. Every weekend he gets drunk and has hit me a lot of times. My son is afraid of him too. What should I do?

Dear Consuela,

This is not good for you or your son. Growing up in an abusive household leaves a lot of emotional scars. You need to find a way to leave. You may have to start hiding a small amount of money each week and looking for a shelter for abused women. Be really careful because he could be dangerous if he thinks you are leaving. If you have family close by let them know what is going on. Don’t try to hide your problem because you think it’s your fault. It’s not.

Take care of yourself and put you and your son out of danger.

Good luck.


  1. Berenice McWhorter says:

    Start talking to your family doctor, alert the police when he is abusive physically and verbally. If you go to church talk to your preacher. Get yours and his family involved by telling them what is happening. Seek out all the help you can get for you and your child. There are places where you can get help. Please don’t wait until it gets any worse.

  2. Randy T says:

    GET OUT NOW!! and don’t listen to his B.S. about how sorry he is. An abuser will never change. I’ve seen too many women lose their lives to this kind of control freak! Call the National Domestic Hotline http://WWW.THEHOTLINE.ORG Our highly-trained advocates are available 24/7/365 to talk confidentially with anyone experiencing domestic violence, seeking resources or information, or questioning unhealthy aspects of their relationship. And take note on this diclaimer: Safety Alert: Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid your internet usage might be monitored, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224. Users of web browser Microsoft Edge will be redirected to Google when clicking the “X” or “Escape” button

  3. Sharon S. says:

    Consuela, you probably need to leave now., for everyone’s sake.

    If you let your son grow up in this kind of environment, he is likely to treat HIS wife the same way he sees his father treating you. For some reason, children who grow up in abusive households seem to absorb it into their souls, and repeat the process with their own spouses.

    DO get help! You can’t handle this situation in that house on your own.

    Leaving does not require divorce, and if you’re a follower of Jesus Christ, I don’t believe it would mean you’re free to remarry. But if you don’t get away before things get worse, your husband will become guilty of more evil; you might not even live to see your son grow up, and your child/ren will likely repeat the pattern they grew up under.

    And, sometimes, abusers DO change. But count on it never happening if you just keep on keeping on. God is in the business of healing damaged souls!

  4. RUN, don’t walk to the nearest shelter! You owe this to you and your son! Neither of you should continue to live in this environment!

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