Parenting Humor – COVID-19 and Vodka are my new best friends!

Let’s begin by stating the importance of remaining indoors and washing our hands during this current pandemic! Additionally, social distancing is vital to ensuring that we slow down the spread of this deadly virus. With all of that said, let’s now discuss what is happening to us all as a result of our current forced quarantine and our being bombarded with news and updates of the coronavirus death toll worldwide.

Personally, I have found myself getting closer and closer to two things that seemingly balance one another in some way. My passion for Vodka and my new association with the COVID-19 have forced me during my isolation to somehow bridge the gap between the two, so that I might find a common ground.  While Vodka assists with eliminating my anxiety, constant news of COVID-19 works perfectly well in adding to my stress levels. When you put the two together, you find a balance that somehow brings you back to a neutral state of being. This may sound sad to some, but let’s be real…right now anything that works to make you feel something other than fear, pain, regret, isolation—and every other negative emotion—is probably going to play a role in your life right now. There are condom companies that are complaining that they are running pretty low on products right now. They have even threatened to hit ground zero on supplies in the next two months. Basically, we see right away what some people are doing to take their minds off things. However, for those of us who just don’t have the option of that level of pleasure—and who don’t do drugs—there is liquor. True, this is not a viable option and it’s far from healthy…but hey…if you watch CNN enough times, you will get the clear picture that we’re all going to damn die anyway!

The latest pandemic has caused us all to lose our minds in some way. If we are not fighting one another over toilet paper, then we are fighting one another over our idea of whether Trump is making the best decisions or not. Depending on your age, it’s enough to make you wish for the good old days of the 70’s when folks begged for peace and love…not war. Currently, the war we are facing is that of health. We are fighting the urge to stand near one another in public, touch anything in public, talk to anyone in public, or even shake hands with someone…in public. We are living in this world of fear that forces anyone to look for an escape. My new friend named Vodka told me that she would assist in my desire to escape from the world in which I know. She promised that she would allow me the chance to live in a free world outside my home, without my leaving the house. I didn’t believe her at first, but damn…she did it. One glass and I was in a land where there was green grass, sunshine, clowns, peanuts, and dogs dressed like cats. Hey, I never said she was perfect in her delivery.

I have no doubt that I will have to say goodbye to my friend known as Vodka. She isn’t good for me and she really doesn’t care about my wellbeing. It’s as if we are using one another in some way. She needs me to keep her relevant and I need her to keep me sane during these times. Thus far, we are holding up our end of the bargain…but for how long? This pandemic has introduced a new reality that is sometimes hard to swallow…much harder than my friend. I have to make a choice because I can’t have them both. I guess I’ll choose COVID-19 because it needs my attention. I can’t deal with the reality of the pandemic if I’m not altogether there, if you know what I mean. I am hearing about close friends who were found positive with the virus and they are scared shitless. I can’t be a good friend to them and talk them through this if I’m too busy hanging out with my new friend Vodka. So, I guess this is my goodbye letter to her. She’s been good to me…that’s a lie…she’s been tasty to me…that’s better.  May her empty 1.75 Litter bottle rest in peace beside me. It’s okay. She never loved me anyway.

One Reply to “Parenting Humor – COVID-19 and Vodka are my new best friends!”

  1. It sounds like you need to meet Jesus Christ and ask Him to become your Savior. He will give you the strength you need to go through this time and will assure you a home in Heaven.
    A concerned reader

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