My Stepdaughter Hates Me

Dear Sara,

I am so angry and upset. My life is miserable because of my stepdaughter. I married a great man with two daughters. The oldest is twelve now and she hates me. I tried my best to make this girl like me. I take her shopping, drive her to her activities and her friends houses and try to cook meals that she likes. She is still rude and nasty to me and her father jut says “she’ll get over it” and won’t discipline her. This is hurting me because he won’t take up for me. How can I get this girl to like me?

Dear Gail,

Maybe you are trying too hard. She knows that you want her to like you so she feels she has control over things and she is using this to make problems between you and her Dad. She resents you and wants her Dad to herself.

Back off and don’t try to be so much in her life. Try to ignore the rudeness and disrespect. She will keep trying but it won’t be so satisfying to her if she thinks it doesn’t affect you. Find things to do that are interesting and rewarding to you. If you are not working, take a class or find a hobby. This girl has made herself the center of your attention. Let her try to make you like her not the other way around. She may not ever like you but at least she won’t run your life.


  1. Great advice!

  2. Gail, Have to agree with Sara. So stop pandering and spoiling this 12 year old disrespectful brat. Enough of taking her shopping, driving her to activities and her friends houses, and trying to cook meals she likes. All your efforts are obviously not appreciated, so no point in continuing to stress yourself. Cannot imagine what she will be like in 3-4 more years if her behavior continues in this manner. I agree that your husband should be teaching his daughter to have respect for you. He may regret that he is not, as well, as she may do the same to him in the future. Why not? There’s no punishment or accountability for her actions. Good luck!

  3. Kathy Mora says:

    Just forget about her ever liking you. This is about anger at her dad. You could be Mother Theresa and she would treat you like dirt forever. Just make a point to do whatever you want and don’t do anything for the brats. Just tell her dad he can take care of her. If you are making what you want for dinner make enough for everybody but don’t go out of your way. This is typical “divorce dynamics” and has nothing to do with you-but you can’t fix it.

  4. AMEN!!!!

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