Moving On After The Death Of A Spouse

Dear Sara,

My husband was in the military and lost his life for his country four years ago. We have two girls who are now in grade school. They seem to be doing OK and are doing well in school and have friends. I’m not doing very well though. I’ve gained about twenty-five pounds and don’t feel any great interest in anything. I go to my job, do my work, come home to cook dinner and do laundry. I help the girls with their homework and watch TV. My life is dull and uninteresting. What can I do to change things?

Dear Elizabeth,

It sounds like you might be depressed, which may be normal in your circumstance. Maybe you could add some things to your life to make it more interesting. There are probably things in your past life that you have enjoyed doing that you might like to try again. Think about what you want and make yourself try something that you would enjoy. Your life won’t change if you just sit there. You might wont to see your family physician and tell him about your feelings of depression. Maybe there is a medication that can help. Exercise is often helpful to combat depression and with a change in diet could help you lose some of that extra weight. Take care of yourself.


  1. Oskey's Ant says:

    Dear Elizabeth – Please don’t take drugs (trust me on that one), but do exercise and get off the couch. Not only will the pounds go away, but your mood will change and you’ll be able to think clearly on what you’d like to do to bring some joy into your life. I suggest you volunteer at your local church, or minister to the homeless. There’s a great deal of joy derived when you reach out to others in need.

  2. You might also want consider Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) which can be used in combination with anti-depressant medicine or on its own to alleviate depression if depression is determined to be the problem.

  3. Dear, Elizabeth,
    My deepest love to you and your family and great respect and gratitude to your husband. I found myself in a similar situation 14 years ago. One thing I did was find a trainer who helped me step out of my comfort zone and get fit! Honestly, there is a powerful link to being physically fit, and emotionally fit. I so know that grief is a tough condition. Love and honor your beloved husband by living in grace and joy. I am sending you a hug knowing that you will be happy again even though you have faced the most unhappy of circumstances of life.
    Most Sincerely,

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