Moving On After Spouse’s Death

Dear Sara,

I’ve been a widow for four years now. My husband Ron was killed in a hunting accident. My youngest son was three and my older son was four when he died. We still talk about their Dad. They are in school now and I have a job. I am lonely and have been asked out on dates several times. I hesitate accepting because I don’t want to upset my boys. I will be 29 soon and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life without a partner. What can I do to try to have a life of my own but still keep my boys safe and happy?

Dear Connie,

I am so sorry for your loss. It’s good that you talk to the boys about their Dad. I hope you all have some fun things to remember. You might start by preparing them little by little that someday you might want to have some other man in your family’s life. Don’t make a big deal out it, just present the idea to them. They probably haven’t thought about this possibility. Answer the inevitable questions the best you can.

If you want to date someone, you might think about meeting him somewhere else until things become serious. It might not be a good idea to have a series of men for your boys to meet. Take your time and try to find someone who likes kids. Your boys will be in your home for a long time and in your life for as long as you live. I hope you can find someone who fits into your family. Just take things slowly.


  1. Live your life, but keep all man are the house
    Is very dangerous to have strangers around children’s
    You can investigate anybody past by paying a small fee
    they have many sites on the Compiuter better safe than sorry !
    Good luck to you and your family

  2. I am not an expert, but I don’t agree. I would not wait until you are in a serious relationship to bring a man around your children. I feel that it is better to bring a man around who is, and will remain, strictly a friend. Why wait until you become romantically involved, in a serious way, only to find out that your children cannot handle or tolerate it? Now you have a big problem on your hands, and you will run the risk of feeling tesentful, or ruining the relationship with either your children or your man. I don’t know if it’s fair to spring it on them once it’s that far along.
    I am so sorry for your pain and loss ; I can’t imagine the loneliness and heartache. I hope you have a church family to support you through it all. I’m so glad you have those little boys to carry on the memories with!
    Perhaps you could try something like Big Brothers, but with someone you know and trust. My husband takes a friend’s 6 year old twin boys out from time to time, to keep the male presence in their lives. Just as a friend…

  3. Trust in the Lord He says in the Bible he will be your husband and the Father to you and the boys. Only God has what you need and can provide more than any human husband. He will also let you know when the timing is right and will bring you an earthly husband if that is your hearts desire.

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