Long Lost Daughter

Dear Sara,

I had a baby when I was fifteen almost thirty years ago. I gave her up for adoption. It was difficult but my Mom insisted that it was for the best. I am married now and have three children. I am happy with my life but often think about the baby I gave up. I know where my daughter lives and would like to contact her. One of my problems is that my husband and children don’t know about my first child. Should I tell my family and contact her or should I just leave things as they are?

Dear Chloe,

An adopted child is bound to be curious about their natural parent. No matter what the adoptive parents tell them maybe there is a sense of abandonment.

One option would be to contact her and see how things go. If she wants to see you and have a relationship then you could let your family know that they have another sibling. After thirty years she probably has a family of her own and may be able to understand why a fifteen year old wasn’t able to care for a baby.

Take it slowly and see how things go. Your daughter may have some feelings of disloyalty to her adoptive parents if she forms a relationship with you. Don’t have any expectations of a wonderful magical reunion. Take things as they come and let her take the lead when you meet.

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