Long Lost Daughter

Dear Sara,

I had a baby when I was fifteen almost thirty years ago. I gave her up for adoption. It was difficult but my Mom insisted that it was for the best. I am married now and have three children. I am happy with my life but often think about the baby I gave up. I know where my daughter lives and would like to contact her. One of my problems is that my husband and children don’t know about my first child. Should I tell my family and contact her or should I just leave things as they are?
-Chloe




Dear Chloe,

An adopted child is bound to be curious about their natural parent. No matter what the adoptive parents tell them maybe there is a sense of abandonment.

One option would be to contact her and see how things go. If she wants to see you and have a relationship then you could let your family know that they have another sibling. After thirty years she probably has a family of her own and may be able to understand why a fifteen year old wasn’t able to care for a baby.

Take it slowly and see how things go. Your daughter may have some feelings of disloyalty to her adoptive parents if she forms a relationship with you. Don’t have any expectations of a wonderful magical reunion. Take things as they come and let her take the lead when you meet.
-Sara

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