Letting Children Go

Dear Sara,

I went to my granddaughter’s graduation last Saturday. A local minister gave a speech and it really upset me. He said that parents need to let their children go and not interfere in their lives. I just don’t think this is good advice. Children need help and guidance. Do you think this is right?
-Mary






Dear Mary,

Certainly children need their parents help and advice. This has to start the day they are born. We need to pass along out knowledge, morals and values from the beginning and hope that these will be ingrained in them so that they will grow into responsible adults.

As our children grow and mature we give them more and more responsibility for their own lives. We really don’t want them dependent on us forever. If that’s the case, we probably haven’t done a good job of raising them.

It’s really hard to see your kids make mistakes. Sometimes it happens without your help or advice. It’s all part of growing and learning. So when is our job of parenting done? Every family is different. Every child is different. High school graduation is a turning point and some kids are ready for independence and some are not. Every family is unique and different and has to do what’s best for their child.
-Sara

Comments

  1. Basically, you the parent is the arbiter of everything in your child’s life. That being said, once your child learns what you have taught them, they need the freedom of living their life as they see fit. while my kids are still living with me, they still have to live by the house rules (whatever they may be). This encourages them to move out and stand on their own. In essence, you don’t like the rules, then it’s time to be on your own. It’s truly amazing how well my kids have done on their own. do I Counsell them? Absolutely, but on if they ask. Then, they take it or leave it, or modify it, to their needs, I feel I’ve done my job instilling self-confidence and the drive to do better than me and for themselves. I try very hard not to interfere with them and let them pick themselves after they have fallen. But I’m always there to help if they need it and they ask for it. The problem with our society is that it’s too easy to divorce and where our parents worked out their differences, in today’s age they say I don’t need this garbage and go on their merry way. It’s very difficult for a father to interact with his kids after a divorce, and you have to work twice as hard than if the kids were living under your roof. It’s hard, but not impossible. I was lucky as my kids were old enough to realize that it wasn’t their fault and found that I was there for them a lot more than what normally might have happened. If you give your kids enough room to grow into adulthood, both of you benefit.

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