I’m A Dad Pretending To Be Straight

Dear Sara,

I have been married for ten years and have two boys ages nine and seven. I am gay and I have known it all along but thought that getting married and having a family was the right thing to do. I have been faithful to my wife but our relationship is strained because I am not interested in her physically. She keeps asking me what is wrong. I love my boys and don’t want to upset them but it’s getting harder and harder to keep up the pretense. What’s the best thing for me to do?
-Ben




Dear Ben,

It sounds like your wife isn’t really happy either. Maybe it’s time to have a heart to heart talk with her to let her know your true identity. It’s not fair to her to let her believe that she’s not worthy of your love when in fact you would not be interested in any other woman. I am glad that you have been faithful since you have given her at least that much of you.

If you and your wife decide on divorce, it will be difficult for your kids. Give them all the time and attention that they need.
-Sara

4 Replies to “I’m A Dad Pretending To Be Straight”

  1. Along with what Sara said, you need to know what you want out of it all. Do you want to remain in the house with a partner along side your wife/ex-wife? While I am sure that you love all of them and do not want to hurt any of them, where do you see yourself going? Maybe you have found someone and want to live with them. Maybe you haven’t and want to remain in the house for now until you transition to a nearby location in several months. Maybe there is a way that you both can live side by side with your own partners in the same house while the children grow up. But, you sound like you do not have any anger toward your wife or anything like that and that is very positive.

    I have a male domestic partner and am a female. We have been together 10 years now but marriage is not on the table. We are great friends but there have been no “benefits” in many, many years. And it works for us. It is not conventional, to be sure but we are both happy with the way it is now and really don’t define what it is that we have. All I am saying is that consenting adults can live in a wide variety of situations with loved ones and still be happy and separate. Recently, my sister moved in (oh, it is my house alone) and we have a place for her that she is happy about also. She lives in a large shed in the back, has boyfriends over at times and uses the house whenever she needs to. Find what works for you.

  2. Suck it up and don’t ruin your family. Go to shrink classes and straighten your ass up. Reaffirm your commitment to your family as a straight male. Life is too short to mess with being gay. Besides, gayness is way too messy and the threat of HIV too scary. Regards, straight, white, married devoted male with two wonderful boys and their two kids, veteran and retired engineer.

  3. “DO WHAT IS GOOD FOR ESPECIALLY THE KIDS< BUT ALSO TO YOUR WIFE AND YOURSELF".
    YOU CREATED THE SITUATION YOU SOLVE IT. GO TO A SHRINK. IMMEDIATELY.
    GOOD LUCK.
    Edward Abraham.

  4. Did you know of YOU MADE A MISTAKE YOU PAY FOR IT?
    YOU JUST WANT THE EASY WAY OUT? DO YOU WANT TO BE A COWARD NOW?
    BE COURAGEOUS AND FACE YOU MISTAKE.
    GOOD LUCK.

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