I Think My Husband Is Cheating

Dear Sara,

I think my husband is cheating on me. He goes out every Friday night and says he’s going to the gym. I also found out that he has been taking really long lunch breaks a couple of times a week. Last week I found a condom in his jacket pocket. We have four teenage kids and I really think a divorce would be hard on them and I don’t want to be on my own. How should I handle this?
-Jenna




Dear Jenna,

You probably have two choices, Ignore or confront. If you choose to ignore what is going on you probably will be unhappy but your life will go on as usual. His relationship could end and things would go back to normal or he could become serious in his relationship and ask for a divorce. If you confront him things could go either way again. If your relationship has been fairly happy before this you might suggest marriage counseling and try to work things out. If this is not a serious relationship you could have a chance of saving your marriage and making it stronger. Let your husband know that you care about him and you want to save your marriage. I hope things work out.
-Sara

Comments

  1. I truly feel for you! I have been there and done that. Get some counseling ASAP, at the very least, for yourself. Secrets never stay kept! Confront him and then tell your children if he won’t. My children were 7 & 8 years old and they found out through school mates! If he wants to continue this extramarital affair, make him own up to it and quit hiding and sneaking around!!! Make him come clean with you and your children if he wants to continue with this woman. My husband and I divorced and 3 weeks later he came back. Sometime their actions and reality come up and slap them in the face! If he refuses to own up to his behavior and responsibilities, seek counseling. If he refuses counseling, dump him!

  2. 3rd_Party_Husband says:

    There are many factors in relationship, especially when having 4 kids. Divorce is DEFINITELY NOT AN OPTION. He needs motivation to be with the family. He needs to be reminded to be with family. It might sound stupid that a father needs motivation to be with the family, but we’re all humans and have our limits and levels of perception in everything. He might distance himself from his family now, but might be very sorry later when he looks back and sees himself not spending time with the family. But that’s about personality and every person is different. In any case DO NOT MAKE HIM FEEL GUILTY BY SHAMING – this stuff pushes men away. What would work in many cases (but not all) is when he sees his wife struggling with kids and house and whatnot and naturally men are willing to help and fix things. I would definitely blame myself for not spending time with family when my wife is doing everything for the family, spending time with kids, cooking, etc and smiling to me, hugging when return from work – this stuff would put me on the right track right away. You know what I mean? If I come from work and my wife is nagging, complaining, being rude to me, blaming me for not spending time with the family and kids see all that – that relationship won’t last long. A good vibration in the family begins from a WOMAN, not from a man. Men always react to WOMEN. A woman with her talks can easily destroy a man, and make herself single in a snap of a finger. Whatever is told to a man will stay there forever. Maybe, Jenna, you did something to your husband before that we don’t know. As I said, to better understand and analyze any relationship, a lot of details should be provided. Jenna, ask yourself, why would he do it if he loves you and his kids? Have you ever gave him ultimatum or something? Do you constantly push him toward something, especially toward your goals, not his?

  3. First off you need to face reality. 1) He’s cheating 2) Your marriage is over 3) If you’re willing to accept his cheating behavior, that reflects very badly on YOU.
    What you are willing to accept becomes your standard. Get a backbone and throw his butt out.

  4. 3rd_Party_Husband says:

    Jenna, don’t leave your kids without a father, they will get a huge psychological trauma and it will affect them the whole life, and you’re going to be in worse conditions too without a job. Find causes of cheating and analyze them. What’s there on a side for him that he can’t get in the family? Work it out. He’ll make up his mind, I hope, but you know him better. We don’t even know his age. Every 3 years a person looks different on his/her life, mentality changes, behavior, we re-evaluate what’s important in our lives all the time. It’s easier to make a mistake and feel sorry for the rest of your life than work it out. Nowadays society needs strong families more than single mothers.

  5. VIMALA PADMARAJ says:

    dear Jenna, I truly believe your marriage is worth saving.
    the above idiot Jeff is a nincompoop!!! don’t listen to him.
    do what Sara tells you. Fight for your marriage and may
    fire and brimstone fall on the female who is trying to
    breakup a family.
    God bless you and yours.
    Vimala (India)

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