Dear Sara,
I can’t stop crying. I lost my beautiful, happy two year old son to meningitis two months ago. I keep expecting him to come around the corner dragging his “blankie.” My husband is no help. He has his work to go to and doesn’t seem to have any patience with me. I feel really guilty because I didn’t take my precious little one to the doctor sooner. I had no idea that he was so sick. How can I get over this? It hurts so bad.
-Christina
Dear Christina,
I am so sorry that you have lost your precious son. Any time a loved one dies it is extremely difficult but it must be so much worse to lose a toddler so quickly. This is not something that will just go away. You will feel the pain of the loss for a long time.
You and your husband are dealing with your grief in different ways. You are expressing your grief openly and he is burying it inside so that he doesn’t have to deal with it. Maybe he is having a problem because your grief reminds him of his own pain.
You need some support right now. Look in your phone book or on-line for a support group called Compassionate Friends. This is a group where you can share your loss and they will understand what you are going through. Sometimes life isn’t easy and we have to get through is the best we can.
Take care of yourself.
-Sara
I agree with Sara. It takes time and sometimes takes a therapist or a group of people who are going through the same thing as you. If you have a pastor you can talk to, that helps greatly.
I lost my great grandson 20 hours after his birth. We all feel robbed! I have been in contact with my pastor and prayed for peace and comfort since I knew Hudson was in trouble. I honestly thought he would live. God had other plans for him.
You will never forget your sweet little boy, but with the help of others going through the same thing, you will begin to heal.
I was advised on the death of our daughter, that men typically bury their grief and then three years later it surfaces in the form of depression and marital problems.
I realize those are two broad strokes but it is what happened to me almost to the day. We are still together and weathered the storm.
. I’ so sorry for your lost. May God Bless you. JB
Hello,
Here is my forum – http://psinet.shorturl.com, it comes with seizure support, and guess it does pretty well. Maybe could try some meds like I am, you also check with a doctor about seeing a psychiatrist for depression and anxiety. I hope things are well.
Take care,
David
This is tragic… a nightmare for a parent. The guilt magnifies it. My sister lost her son 2 and 1/2 years ago and is not only grieving him, but suffering guilt as well. We were told about a book called “Shattered, Surviving the Loss of a Child”. It’s “real” and has been very helpful with each short chapter, understanding that what you’re feeling is real. All the chapters are based from experience of parents who have had a child die. It helps if other family members read it or at least do something to try to understand the depths of a parent’s sorrow. Some people, including some family and the closest of friends, have unrealistic timelines and say hurtful things, as unintentional as it may be. She was also referred to Compassionate Friends. As an aunt, there are days I miss him so much I feel I can’t breathe… and we also now have some joy and thankfulness and laughter as we remember him. My heart truly breaks for these parents.
Dear Sara my heart breaks for both you you loss of some one so little he is with god now know that’s not a comfort for both you’d say every body deals with grief different try going to groups that has lost a child or speak to your pastor it will take long time will pray for u both ur husband dealing with grief u both have to talk to gether my prayers are with u both My did son was killed at two was hit by car know the pain ur feeling. God bless you bough
as christiqans we have hope you will wsee your son again wen we get to heaven so live with that hope in your heart that you will see your son again when we get to heaven i cantimagine the gref tou deel in your heat =
I AM 91 AND I HAVE CHILDDREN 70, 69, 66 AND 59. I DO NOT KNOW HOW ANY MOTHER GETS OVER SEEING ONE OF HER OWN CHILDREN IN A CASKET SPECIALLY A 2 YEAR OLD BABY. I HAVE ASKED THE LORD THOUSANDS OF TIMES I BELIEVE TO NOT EVER LET ME HAVE TO SEE ONE OF MY CHILDDREN IN A CASKET. PLEASE LET ME GO FIRST. I DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU WOULD EVER GET OVER IT UNLESS YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN AND RELY ON OUR PRECIOUS LORD TO GET YOU THORUGH IT. I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOST. GOD BLESS YOU.
Dear Christina,
What you are feeling is awful but normal. The various advice above is all relevant. I only want to caution you to be very careful about using anxiety meds or antidepressants unless you really need them, because they are quite addictive, but yes, sometimes they can be very helpful temporarily. Connecting with others who have lost kids is essential, and your local hospital might also be able to help you find a local group. All of us as parents make miscalculations which can or have caused our kids harm, so please try to forgive yourself for being as imperfect a parent as the rest of us. Even during this Covid-19 crisis a lot of support groups have gone online, and there is even teletherapy available in many places, so keep seekilng until you find the support you need. And be patient with your husband if he can’t provide the support you need right now – that is very common, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you – he is just trying to cope in his own way. We women often are much quicker to seek support than the guys do. WE all extend our virtual hugs and prayers to you !
Dear Christina, listen to the advice above from Vicky, and add alcohol to the substances to avoid. My beautiful sister was two years in recovery from alcoholism when she lost her only son, 21 years old, in a fiery automobile crash in January, three weeks before the birth of his son. Nothing could console her – not her husband, her other children, her grandchildren, her mother, or her siblings including me. She began drinking again and died of a cerebral aneurysm on Thanksgiving day. Her death almost drove me to alcoholism because I felt guilty that I had not done enough to help her. The same year my mother lost her mother, two of her brothers, her grandson, and her daughter. I asked her how she could handle all the grief and remain sane. Her answer was “My faith”. When I asked her how she maintained faith, she said “I DO NOT blame GOD, I blame Satan. I don’t think GOD is responsible for the evil in the world, it is Satan trying to destroy my faith, and I won’t let him”. Your precious son would not want you to spend your life in misery. Try to summon the inner strength to go forward and nurture your husband. He is deep in grief, but the spectre of macho makes it much harder for men to show their emotion – nurturing him and giving him comfort and support will help you. I have found that while you never lose the grief, it does get a little easier to deal with as time goes by. GOD bless you and give you peace.