My fifteen year old daughter defies my rules all of the time. If I try to discipline her she runs to her grandmother and grandma is all sympathy and takes her side. My mother has always been critical of the way I parent my children and says that I am too hard on them. My husband won’t back me up and said he wants to stay out of it. How can I make my Mom see that I am the parent and need to be in charge without her interference.
Usually we learn some of our parenting skills by doing things the way our parents did. For some reason it seems that you have taken a different direction and have a more structured way of parenting. Your mother doesn’t have the right to interfere. Let her know that if she continues to sabotage your parenting you will have to limit your contact with her.
Sit down with your daughter and have a talk about the rules. See if you can come to some agreement about what she wants and what you expect. At fifteen she is beginning to have her own opinions and you need to take them into consideration. If you can give a little and she is willing to make some changes then maybe things will go more smoothly.
If you and your daughter can’t come to a compromise you might want to try some family counseling. Your husband doesn’t want to be involved in a dispute with your mother but he needs to be part of the parenting team. Family counseling might be a way to get him more involved.