Hoping For Grandchildren

Dear Sara,

My daughter is twenty six now and has been married for four years. She works full time and says she doesn’t want children. I was a stay home at home mom for her and her brother and have never worked. I told her that I would help her by keeping the kids with me while she worked. She is not interested in this. She said she didn’t want to be tied down with kids and she wasn’t good mother material. I was really hoping for grand babies. What could I do to help change her mind?
-Claudia





Dear Claudia,

It sounds like your daughter has made up her mind about having children and I doubt that anything you say could make a difference. If you continue to bring up the subject you could end up damaging your relationship with her and I’m sure that is not what you intend.

She may change her mind in the future but it needs to be her idea not yours. Maybe you could find a volunteer job working with children to help keep you busy. Right now your daughter needs you as a mother and a friend.
-Sara

Comments

  1. Share Coughlin says:

    Great advice! Please take it.

  2. Merry Mari says:

    My congratulations to your daughter for having the courage to decide she does not want to bring children into this already overcrowded world. I made a similar decision, by default to some extent, when I was in my 30′s and have not regretted it. I have greatly enjoyed my friends’ children and being an “aunt” to many of them; like your daughter, I have come to see that I was not “mother material”. My own mother was fabulous at her jobs, a mother, counselor, breadwinner and much more. She NEVER pushed me to have children or made me or my brothers feel that we had “cheated” her by not bringing children into the world. Hope that you can also make your peace with your daughter’s choice.

  3. Maybe Her Son will take care of this situation and need for her! I agree with your comment about Mother and Friend.

  4. I think you should just mind your own business and let your daughter live her life. Not everyone chooses to take on the responsibility of having kids these days. Just a thought———–

  5. Show her what its like to not have friends and family at the beckon call. My wife thought the same way Claudias daughter does and now that everyone we know has kids and grand kids, thereby leaving little time for us, she wonders what we’re going to do when her mother and father finally pass. Adult kids don’t think long term, they see an exciting life full of new work adventure and friends. Its not until later that work becomes a grind and your friends have gone off, married and have families that it sinks in that its just u and ur significant other.

  6. Claudia, your daughter is a selfish, self-centered person, so give up on any attempts to change her mind about having children. Even if she did, it’s likely she would overburden you with shared responsibilities in child-rearing. No matter what others say, having children is the very reason we exist biologically. The species must survive; hence her “selfishness”.

    You seem overly concerned with this issue and need to find alternative concerns and focus in your life. You dedicated your life to your children and I say “bravo” to you, but now you have a chance to contribute more to society and your community. Become a foster grandparent and help someone who wants and needs your help.

  7. We had no grandparents, but we were blessed by friendship with a couple who very much wanted grandchildren. This was a gift which we all readily embraced and enjoyed. They became grandparents with plenty of love and we had older people to enrich our lives. Look around.

  8. This totally her decision. You need to give up the idea of grandchildren and find other interests. Nothing you can do will change her mind. As Ann Landers would say: MYOB!

  9. If she doesnt want the kids, she wont be a good mother to them. Let her find her own way. Besides, you raised her. Maybe she didnt like your life, so dont try to make her live it, just to satisfy you.

  10. I agree with your advice to Claudia. I remember Dear Abby asking mothers if they had to choose whether or not to have children would they still have them. All responses were anonymous. It was amazing that almost 50% said they would not! How sad that all their children were not really fully wanted by these parents. If you have doubts, you should think twice about having kids. They don’t ask to be born!

  11. I don’t blame your daughter, I wouldn’t want to raise a child in this world it is starting to look like a bad situation , always a threat of nuclear war , we have to many idiots running other nations, Plus what we have here , with all the crap that is going on with our government, all the school shootings, Parents don’t want to raise their kids right and parents don’t accept responsibility for their kids they are the ones that didn’t raise them right and some turn out to be murders , So if you daughter doesn’t want that responsibility, don’t feel bad, she is living how she wants to live, Just love her and be happy that she doesn’t have kids that she doesn’t want to raise

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