Grown Son Refuses to Move Out

Dear Sara,

My son has graduated from college and is still living at home. He has a degree in History and says he can’t find a job. I don’t think he is really looking very hard at this point. He sleeps until about 11:00AM, plays video games or watches TV during the day and hangs out with his friends at night. He has cut a few of the neighbors yards this summer for spending money. I am still cooking his meals and doing his laundry. I am ready for him to “launch”. How can I get him to take care of himself and move out?

Nora

Dear Nora,

You are definitely making it easy for your son to continue being dependent on you. He needs a little motivation to move on. Why don’t you consider giving a time limit to move out. Let him know that he can’t live with you indefinitely and that you expect him to have some kind of job within the month even if it is delivering newspapers or in a fast food restaurant. You don’t have to do his laundry. Teach him how to do his own.

Don’t pay any of his bills or give him any money. The only way he will move on with his life is if he has no one to depend on but himself.

Good luck.

Sara

6 Replies to “Grown Son Refuses to Move Out”

  1. Great advice if you are strong enough to set the limits and REALLY want him to grow up. Lol. As Dr Phil also says, “You don’t reward bad behavior “.
    Prayers for the highest good for all.

  2. TRY BEING A PARENT —NOT THEIR FRIEND OR PAL….THROW THEM OUT!!!
    MAKE THEM GROW UP-STOP ENABLING THEM…NO MONEY, NO ROOM, NO NOTHING EXCEPT YOUR PRAYERS THEY GO AND JUST DO IT!!!!!!!!!

  3. Hi Sara, I’m not sure how this communique came my way, but I ‘had’ a remarkably similar condition in my home. I had an adult roommate that I picked up from a ‘very reputable roommate wanted list.’ Over time ‘he’ refused to pay his rent (three months in the rears at one point). I was asking him to ‘leave,’ he declined that as well, and unofficially I had my first “squatter.” It became VERY contentious, noisy (verbally hostile), and law enforcement was called upon on (5 separate occasions) over the 10-month endurance of his ‘squatter’ home residency.
    Another roommate was following the rules financially; therefore, I couldn’t respond as I felt I needed; I couldn’t change front door locks, or take the doors off the hinges ‘bedroom and bathroom,’ refrigerator moved into my room, as well as the washer and dryer, and other annoyances) these weren’t possible because the paying roommate was complaining; he was being affected as well.
    To shorten this story, I have a mentor, who lives down the block, and is ‘always’ there when needed, “cool it, Reggie,” he said, you’re taking it way too serious, ‘your to uptight.’
    “It’s my home,” try letting a stranger’ squatter’ into your home for ten months, ‘I was thinking.’
    He went through all the legal-ese that I didn’t want to hear. When finished, he brought me back to the most obvious point. After all of the anger, enraged behavior, threats of bodily harm, and annoying the city peace officers, this is as close as I have ever come to the dismemberment of someone outside of the military; after all of that, several weeks on, he finally moved-out. Indeed not the date he had stated, but; where ALL of those threats and counter-threats necessary, “huh, were they?”
    “You bet they were,” that first day of peace, solitude, and quiet was worth it, I would have never experienced it, without the “incentive,” as a matter of fact, the very last statement I made to him was, “yo, it’s been a challenge” as I turned and walked back into ‘mi casa.’

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