Forty-five and Pregnant

Dear Sara,

I am forty-five years old and just found out I am pregnant. Needless to say, this is a big shock since I didn’t think I was fertile anymore. I have two daughters ages eighteen and twenty. I had no idea that I could still get pregnant. I really don’t want another baby at my age. I haven’t told anybody yet so I could just have an abortion and no one would know. My head is telling me no don’t have a baby but my heart is saying this is a baby just like my girls were. Is there any way I can make up my mind and have some peace?
-Carol Lee

Dear Carol Lee,

I can see that this is a really difficult decision for you to make. Why don’t you share your pregnancy with your family and let them know how you feel. If you decide to keep your baby then you would have their support. I can’t predict how they will feel but you would have their support whatever way you decide to go. From what you have written I have the feeling that if you decide to abort this baby you will feel some guilt and wonder what the baby would be like. Either way, you are going to face some problems. Good luck.


  1. Dear Carol,

    My Grandma had a child well into her
    forties and the baby was healthy. That
    would be something to keep in mind
    when deciding whether to keep this
    surprise baby. However; some people
    would choose to have a child however
    they came into the world. Congratulations
    to you if you decide to have the baby.

    Remember they can take ultrasound
    pictures early in the pregnancy and
    it’s hard not to have feelings for the
    unborn child by then.

  2. Tough decision. It is not unusual though.
    I personally would not hesitate to abort a child that I never planned. The way I look at it, there are so many unplanned unwanted children and often parents just will treat an unwanted child like an unwanted child. It is a setback to reality and reason to start thinking with naive sentimentality. Children who are NOT planned may be, or will be resented by their parents and will sense it. It does not happen to each and every unplanned, later-life child, but it is an extremely common scenario and such children grow up knowing that they were never wanted. Often certain parents think that they are doing the right thing to have the child. It is a reflex response, but it as an act of saving themselves from guilt or because they have been inculcated with a text-book style of morals.
    They pat themselves on the back telling themselves that they did the right thing but then they don’t treat their child right, or show him or her love . It is complicated though. It can depend on the maturity and the education level and economic status of the parents as well as depending on cultural factors.
    Of course it has to be said that sometimes parents end up loving and being glad they had an unplanned later-life child because the parents were more mature and “experienced” than when they had their first children and can have a better outlook to parenting.
    SO, I cannot tell you what to decide. It is very personal. You may have regrets either way and you may be glad either way. I just think that a person in such a situation has to think whether she will really love and be able to care for the child, not just worry what her religious or conservative friends might think. I would not feel bad if I terminated a conception. I would feel bad if I brought a life in the world and that person did not have basic quality of life.
    I personally would not inform my family either. I know I seem cynical but I would doubt that they would understand and if you chance it, there is no un-doing it. I would err on he side of caution and being able to do what I feel is right for me and the child. Family might try to influence me in a way that twill make the decision harder. But that is how I would do things . I would like to move on without the second-guessing or interfering of others.
    I don’t mean to make the decision harder. I just think this is something to think about. I wish you luck.

  3. This is what, in my opinion, is wrong with abortion on demand. I can see why it’s something to consider if the mother’s life or health is in danger. But we’re talking about killing a human being here. If there is no indication that there is a risk to the mother’s health, why would the idea of killing your baby even occur to you.

    • June Daine says:

      God doesn’t make mistakes…. why would you even think about killing your baby just because you are 45 years old.
      That’s young… this little baby did nothing wrong… please don’t take its life… Most babies aren’t planned in the real world… but they are blessings……

  4. Arlene Barton says:

    These surprise/ later babies usually wind up being the biggest blessing. I encourage you to choose life! This baby is not a surprise to God.

  5. It’s a tough decision but I know many women who’ve had babies in their 40′s. You didn’t mention if you’re married or your economic situation – which, obviously, needs to be taken into consideration. Keep in mind you’ll be close to retirement age when the child graduates high school. Kids are great and I sometimes wish I had more than my two sons, now 37 and 27. They are truly a blessing – the best part of my life! Don’t let people put you on a guilt trip (like Tom, above!). It’s YOUR decision and you do what’s best for you. Wishing you the best no matter what you decide!

  6. Dale McNamee says:

    Why not consider putting the baby up for adoption ?

    Childless couples would love to adopt the baby and raise it…
    And the baby has a chance at life, whether he or she is disabled, and the haunting guilt and sin of abortion is avoided…

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