Feeling Trapped

Dear Sara,

I feel like I am in a trap. I have two kids who are in first and third grades and I am a stay at home Mom. This is what my husband wants not me. He has a good job and we have pretty much everything we need. My life is really boring. I want to get out of this house and do something! I got married at twenty so I don’t have much job experience so I feel unqualified for anything. How do I get out of this trap?
-Marian




Dear Marian,

Sounds like you have a bad case of cabin fever. You didn’t say what kinds of things you like to do but it does sound like you would like a job. You could start by taking a college class or two and maybe by doing this you would find something that really interests you. You would be out of the house two or three days a week and still have time for your family.

If you’re not interested in furthering your education there are lots of volunteer opportunities. Think about things that interest you and see what’s available in your area. I volunteered in a school for autistic children. I found it to be really interesting and I learned a lot.

Part of your problem may be that you are depressed as well as bored. If you think that may be the case, make an appointment with your physician to get a check up.

Take care of yourself.
-Sara

Comments

  1. I’m sure many young mothers would trade places with you and be thankful to be able to stay home and be a full time Mom. It’s not a picnic working PLUS taking care of kids, so I think you should count your blessings and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get your kids involved in sports, dance, art, martial arts (to teach discipline) and do things with them. Teach them to cook, take cooking classes together. Or see friends while they’re at their classes. You have much to be thankful for!

    • While it is true, that there may be many mothers of young children who very much like to have the resources to be a “traditional, stay-at-home” Mom, but that is no reason to disparage this young mother. She obviously feels different and needs encouragement, not criticism. Marian, I do not judge or criticize you; I will not say, you should be happy you don’t have to work because I am not you, I don’t have your history, emotions, etc., they are unique to you, the way God created you to be & there is nothing wrong with the way you feel. First, though, I encourage you to stop saying and feeling like you are “trapped”, you need to have a positive attitude and trust in God to guide you & direct you. Second, and this is really also first, read you Bible, start in the Book of John, every morning and pray, when you have some alone time. Ask our Heavenly Father for wisdom and guidance & to help you to have joy in your marriage and family. Third, have a special evening with your husband, maybe a candlelight dinner or to his & your favorite restaurant & gently tell him how you feel & that you want to contribute more to him, to your children and others. He will feel threatened because you are proposing change – he may also feel threatened for other reasons, I can’t say because I don’t know him. Nest, start exploring what you would really enjoy doing & research if there are any jobs available, in your commute area for which you a) qualify or can become qualified for & b) will accommodate a schedule that will allow you to continue your responsibilities at home. Once you have found a few possibilities, then determine what, if anything, you need to do to be able to compete for the jobs & develop an action plan to do that: Experience? Volunteer in a related area or take a job with a business that will allow you to grow and advance in your chose field. Education? Take classes, at the local community college or on-line ~ there are many affordable, on-line colleges/universities that can lead you to your desired degree. Consider: starting your own at-home business: there are many activities you can pursue, on-line, that will afford you an income & at which you can work at your own schedule. One example is submitting electronic invoicing/billing, for a local doctor’s office, dentist, clinic, etc. For this example, you will have to take courses to become fluent in something called ICD-10 (now moving to ICD-11) which are billing codes for the different medical diagnoses and the doctor’s treatment/prescription/etc. This is an activity that requires precise and accurate data entry and therefore a expertise in the billing codes, etc. But it is learned and you can have your reference book right along side of your computer to help you make accurate entries. Want out of the house more than anything? You can also work from the doctor’s, dentist’s or clinic’s offices & you can negotiate a work schedule that will allow you to get children off to school, be home when they get home & have supper on the table for the family! Don’t give up, be encourage BUT also, PLEASE discuss with your husband, the two of you are supposed to be an equal, loving partnership – AIf you continue to just be home and be discouraged and complain in your heart every day, it is going to lead to bitterness and eventually could do serious harm to your family and marriage relationship. God Bless You & Help You & Your Family!

  2. Granny in Ga says:

    I assume you finished high school. If not, go back and get the GED. Then start taking a class or 2 either at a community college or online. You will need more education than you now have, in order to help your kids. Next, join the PTA at their school and help out there. You will get to know their teachers and can help out with health screenings and fundraising. Next, sign your kids up for Boy Scouts, girl scouts, Brownies, cub scouts, whatever. You will have lots of friends and both you and the kids will learn a lot. You do not need to go back to work in order to contribute to this worLd. You can do it thru educating yourself and thru family life.

  3. Trapped? Take off those glasses that are distorting your view! You are seeing yourself as a victim of a married but dissatisfied wife. A ‘job’ won’t ‘fix’ your situation. Your resentment is coming out. Life is boring? So are MOST jobs. Being you are unqualified means you would get an entry level job. Low pay, go no where job. You think you are bored now? Double that. Add a time clock and pressure to work faster and harder to produce more! Add weekends and holidays and 10 to 12 hour days, and childcare because summers are work days. Add unreal fatigue, but laundry and ALL that has to be done. Add COMPLEXITY because your children will need as much now as then. Add depression because you will miss out on some of the important aspects of child rearing. And add REGRET as you look back on your life and see the failures you had not realizing that children grow up, and leave home, and your nest is empty. But you have a boring meaningless job.
    I would take a better look at what you have and how to grab the brass ring. Don’t screw it up. YOU have it made! Count your blessings!

  4. cant say my name says:

    Dear Marian. Please ask God what He made you for. He knows you better than you know yourself. You have a golden opportunity here. To raise and keep control over your children and not leave it to the Educational system. Find their interests and you may find a multitude of your OWN and in a realm of mutual learning and growth. It may pull a career out of nothing you ever could have imagined! Pay better and have a good boss….you! If you dont know God ask anyway, then listen.
    You have a chance to explore all that you have not yet explored.
    I would love to hear your choices
    An odd stay at home artist, nationally and internationally known. Trusting fully in who He has made me . Not too PC but , worthwhile.

  5. Volunteering at a battered women’s shelter will get you over yourself, real quick. If you dont have what it takes to do that, try volunteering to be an ‘infant rocker’ at a hospital pediatrics unit (yeah, they really have those). Sounds like you need a real purpose, and real meaning to your life, and God is the only way to get it. Let Him guide you, but start by taking some of these small steps, then listen for His promptings. You could blog, vlog, write, take some art or cooking classes, tutor reading to kids through Boys & Girls Clubs, join a young Mom’s group at a church or even start one. You may find that your current blessings are not so bad, are not replaceable, and learn to feel content and blessed where God planted you. Listen to some of us who are somewhat older, and have become somewhat wiser with age and experience.

Leave a Reply to Sharon Cancel reply

*