Differing Styles Of Parenting

Dear Sara,

My style of parenting is totally different from my husband. He is easy going and doesn’t care if the kids do what they want. I want some order and structure and insist that our kids follow the rules. They are now old enough to go to him if they don’t like the rules and he will tell them everything is OK and they can do what they want. I am now the bad guy and my husband is the good guy. I am angry and frustrated. How can I get him to stop doing this?

Dear Elena,

You and your husband need to have a discussion someplace where your kids can’t hear you and are not involved. Maybe he feels that you are too strict with the kids and feels that he has to defend them. Since you are angry and frustrated try to stay calm. Write down the rules and how you feel they are important and see if you and he can come to some compromise. It’s really important that the two of you be on the same page. This taking sides with the children not only undermines your authority but sets the kids up to play you and your husband against each other. It sounds like you and your husband come from families that had different sets of rules. If you think your husband is being passive aggressive or trying to win favor with the children at your expense then be sure to seek some marriage counseling. This isn’t healthy for your children.

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