Dear Sara: I just moved…

Dear Sara,

I just moved to a new city with my husband and our two kids, ages six months and 2 years.  We moved because he had a terrific job opportunity here and no prospects in our home town.

I am so depressed.  I miss my Mom and all the friends I grew up with.  My Mom and Dad would keep my two little ones when I needed to get groceries or wanted to go out to dinner with my husband.  Now I have no one and feel like I get no breaks.

I feel guilty wanting to go home and angry because I have to stay here.  We are financially way better off but I am really unhappy.  What can I do?

Dear Christy,
Getting adjusted to a new situation takes time but that doesn’t keep you from feeling really miserable right now.  It’s really not good for you to stay home all of the time without any adult companionship. It sounds like your husband is so involved in his new job that you can’t count on him either.

So you need a plan.  If you want to get out and meet people, you are going to have to find someone you can trust to take care of your children.

You have always depended on your parents and you don’t have that now so this is probably producing some anxiety.

Often churches have “Mother’s Day out.”  You can find them on the internet by typing in your city and Mother’s Day out.  Ask your neighbors if they can recommend someone that you can trust to watch your children once in a while when you need a break.

You will continue to feel angry and resentful if you stay home by yourself and the more depressed you get the harder it will be to get yourself up and out of the house.

You might consider a gym where they have baby sitting service on site.  This way you could work out (which will help your depression) and be close by to make sure  you kids are doing O.K.

Think about what your interests are and find some way to get together with people with the same interests. You may find that you would enjoy an adult education class or returning to school to work on your education.

I hope you are keeping in touch with your Mom and Dad and friends by telephone and e-mail.

Talk to your husband and let him know about your anger and depression and how much you miss your home town.  He can’t change his job at this point but maybe you could plan a trip home so that you could touch base with family and friends again.

Getting used to a new and strange place takes time and at this point it feels like you are really isolated.  Just one friend would help to lessen this feeling.  Reach out and look around you for other mothers in the same situation.

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