Dealing With A Bad Boyfriend

Dear Sara,

My daughter is seventeen. She has a part-time job at a local fast food place and she is saving up to buy a car. The problem is that she is infatuated with a guy who is probably mid-twenties who has a bad reputation. I know he smokes marijuana and I suspect heavier stuff. He has plenty of money and doesn’t seem to have a job. I have forbidden her to see him but friends have said they see him where she works. I asked her about this and she said she can’t keep him from coming into the restaurant. Is there any way I can keep them apart?

Dear Brian,

Aside from making her quit her job, you aren’t going to have much control of your daughter here and that probably isn’t a good idea. She is going to be eighteen soon and you won’t have much control then. Teen crushes are pretty typical and sometimes lead kids down the wrong path. Your daughter sounds like a pretty mature girl who has a job and is saving for a car. One thing you can’t control is her feelings. You can explain to her why you don’t like this young man and hope that she has enough sense to see what kind of person he is. If you find out he is doing something illegal you can report him to the police. You are doing the best you can for now.


  1. I’m a married parent of six. The only reason a 26 year old man would be interested in a 17 year old girl is obvious…come on…think about it.
    Not on,y sex, but he control her to a degree, and before some girls say “…but he REALLY relates to me…”
    There is something wrong with a 26 year old man who can only “relate” to teenage girls.
    He’s an adult. She is a minor. Call the police.
    This is NOT over reacting….she is your CHILD.
    Fight for her. Fight with her. And fight over her.

  2. Dear Brian,

    You have every right to be concerned about
    your daughter especially since she is interested
    in an older guy currently. However; as you
    say she is only working there part time. It
    is obvious you have an open communication with her since you are aware of his smoking habits.
    However; she’s responsibly trying to save for
    a car at a Starbucks which is a good thing.
    If she decides to go to college in a year; that
    would certainly put a damper on the amount
    of free time she has for a relationship if she continues to work part time as well plus needed
    study time..

  3. Your daughter will sneak to meet this older guy. Let everyone you know to keep an eye out and call you if you see them together. You might want to let your daughter know that with the purchase of a car, which is commendable on her part, comes much responsibility and additional expense. There is insurance, even if she’s included on your policy, which cost extra, gasoline, oil changes, tires, brakes, etc. Earnings from a part-time job will be needed for auto maintenance and such. If this guy is smoking weed, he has probably offered it to your daughter. You could have her checked the next time she goes to the doctor (before she turns 18) by arranging a blood test with the doctor’s office. Good luck! She will be okay – you’ve brought her up with good values, common sense, and a sense of pride.

  4. My comments come from not only 43 yrs as a licensed clinical professional counselor but also a mom who went through my daughter choosing the 20 yr bro instead of the 17 yr old her age. We had to trust her telling her we are trusting she will do the right thing with the older bro. 6 mos. Of holding our breath and wala she broke up with him. If you give them a good base all you can do is let them know you love them and trust them.

  5. Your greatest assurance for victory is to pray for her in the Name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth.
    Ask Him to remove the man from her, plead The Blood of Jesus over her daily and pray Psalms 91 inserting her name into the Psalm. Ask The Lord to give her wisdom and understanding beyond her years and to remove any deception coming through her emotions or mind. Praise Him for hearing the heart and prayer of a mother

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