My Kids Are Inactive…

Dear Sara,

I have two kids ages seven and ten. They are doing well in school and I am proud of them but they are really inactive. I work a lot and don’t have a lot of time to spend with them but I would like for them to be healthy and fit. What’s a good thing for them to do?

-Paul



Dear Paul,

Your kids really need you as a role model. I can guess that you are pretty tired when you get home from work but take an hour or so to walk with them or throw a ball around. You could put up a volleyball net and encourage the kids to invite their friends over. Not only are you helping to keep your kids fit but you are also building a relationship with them. Don’t let this opportunity pass you by.

-Sara

My Kids are Leaving the Nest – Should We Have Another Baby?

Dear Sara,

My husband and I have been married for almost twenty years. Our four kids are now in their teens and will be off to college and on their own soon. I really would like to have another baby but my husband says “absolutely not.” He said that he wants to do his own thing now and not be tied to changing diapers and kids’ activities. How can I make him see my side of this?

-Karen



Dear Karen,

Watching your kids leave home is not always an easy time for a Mom. It can be really emotionally painful and you seem to be anticipating this already. You will just be postponing the inevitable by having another baby. Your husband needs to have a say in this also. Apparently he is not willing to make the financial and emotional investment it takes to raise another child. He may want to take things a little easier now that his kids are almost out of the house.

If you can’t make him see your point of view (and he sounds pretty adamant) then you might want to think about other ways to fulfill your maternal instinct. Think about the different facilities that care for children in your area. Check online for volunteer opportunities. There are so many children who could use someone on one help. Put all the skills you have learned to use as a volunteer and let your husband have his time for himself.

-Sara

Should I Buy My Kids A New Car?

Dear Sara,

My daughter is seventeen and has had a driver’s license for less than a year. She and her brother shared an older car and could use it for going to school and school-related events. She backed out of the driveway without looking and was broadsided by a car going down the street. Luckily no one was hurt. The car is not worth fixing up so they are having to ride the school bus and I have to take them to school events. Sometimes they ride with friends and I am not comfortable with that. She and her brother are pestering me to get them another car. Not only will I have to pay for the car but will have to pay the insurance on it. What’s the best way to deal with this?

-Aggravated Mom



Dear Mom,

You are so lucky your daughter and the other driver are OK. I hope she has learned a lesson. You might think about waiting for a while to purchase another car so the lesson sinks in. If they get an allowance or babysitting money they should be responsible for gas in the car and whatever else they can afford. Let your kids know how much things cost. They need to be prepared for when they are on their own.

-Sara

My Son Is Cruel To Animals

Dear Sara,

I have a problem that is very distressing to me. My six-year-old son can be extremely cruel to animals. I have seen him kick a dog out of his way and sling a cat around by the tail. I am very tenderhearted and have tried to tell him that this is really wrong but it doesn’t sink in. He wants a pet but as long as I see things like this the answer will be “no.” How can I get across to him that this is wrong?

-Lee



Dear Lee,

It sounds like there have been more than the two incidents that you have mentioned. If this is true then your son could have a mental health issue that would need to be dealt with by a psychiatrist. If there were no other incidents then he could be a typical six-year-old who hasn’t developed the ability to feel sympathetic toward other living creatures.

If he really wants a pet you might take him to see animals from the Humane Society who need homes. If he can find a pet to love then maybe he will feel empathy for other animals. Let him know that if he abuses his new pet that you will take it away. Continue to let him know that pets can feel pain the same as he does. I hope that you can help him feel empathy for his new pet and other animals.

-Sara

Not Ready For This Baby

Dear Sara,

I’ve been married a little over a year and have just found my perfect job after looking for quite a while. Now I find that I am pregnant. I really wasn’t planning this at all. We had decided to wait until we were established in our jobs and had saved for a down payment on a house. My husband blames me and wants me to get an abortion. I just can’t do that. How can I deal with all of this?

-J.J.



Dear J.J.

I’m sure that your husband is disappointed that his plan has failed but I would guess that he will eventually adjust to the fact that he is going to be a father. It seems these days a great number of women have babies and a career as well. It won’t be easy for you especially if your husband is not supportive but you know in your heart that this is what you want.

It may take longer to achieve your goal but you wouldn’t be happy if you went along with your husband’s wishes and had an abortion. I know you haven’t been married long but you might want to consider marriage counseling if your husband continues to think that your pregnancy is all your fault.

-Sara

My Life Is A Mess

Dear Sara,

My life is a mess. I’ve been married ten years and we are financially well off, live in a nice house and our two kids go to a private school. The problem is my husband. He drinks all the time, often doesn’t come home for dinner and has had numerous affairs. I don’t think I can put up with his behavior much longer but I’m afraid of how a divorce will affect my children. Which is worse? A divorce or living in a home with a father who seems to be totally self-centered and making me miserable?

-Laura



Dear Laura,

Living in a home with an alcoholic is very difficult especially for children who have no control of things. There is chaos around them and I’m sure that your anger and possible depression has been difficult for them to deal with as well. Before you make any decision why don’t you try some family therapy? Your husband may not want to attend but your children might be able to express their feelings and give you an idea of what they want their lives to be like. This way you won’t be making your decision by yourself and will able to see the effect you and your husband are having on them.

-Sara

Overwhelmed With New Baby

Dear Sara,

I have a new baby and she cries all of the time. I am exhausted and depressed. Sometimes I have to grit my teeth just to take care of her and I feel angry because I can’t rest. My husband works long hours and we are financially dependent on his salary. I feel really alone and I need help. What can I do?

-Brittany




Dear Brittany,

The good part is that this stage in a baby’s life doesn’t last forever. The bad part is that you sound very much alone here. You need to talk to your husband about the way you are feeling. This isn’t good for you or your baby. Let him know that you can’t handle this alone anymore and that you have to have some help. You didn’t mention either grandmother. Would one of them be able to help out some of the time? If this isn’t possible then see if you can hire someone to help out part-time.

You do need someone to help out but you also need to talk to someone about your anger and depression. Let your doctor know how you are feeling and ask him about medication or a professional to talk to. It sounds like you may have postpartum depression which can be serious. Don’t try to handle all of this alone. Your husband may be so involved in work that he is unable to see how desperate you are. Get his attention and be very assertive in letting him know how you feel.

-Sara

My Teenage Son Has Gotten His Girlfriend Pregnant

Dear Sara,

My teenage son has gotten his girlfriend pregnant. We have had numerous talks about abstinence, safe sex and not getting a girl pregnant. He’s too young to get married and his girlfriend is too immature to raise a child. I don’t want my grandchild to be put up for adoption but I have a full-time job that I need to support me and my son. The other grandmother doesn’t want to raise this child. What can I do?

-Carrie



Dear Carrie,

This may be out of your hands and I think that you already know this. If your son’s girlfriend is willing to give up her baby for adoption then this is probably what will happen. Her Mom knows her daughter best and can also see her immaturity. It may be important to the Mom that her daughter continues school without the distraction of a baby. Whatever happens now, you don’t have a choice. All you can do is be supportive of your son. I would say that the young couple getting married would not be an option since they are still totally dependent on their parents. This is a teenage romance and it may not last forever. I hope that the two teens will be mature enough to decide to give their baby to a loving and mature family.

-Sara

Grandchildren Need Guidance and Discipline

Dear Sara,

My son and his wife have been married for ten years and have two beautiful girls ages five and seven. We live in the same city so I get to see them often. My son will make them behave when he is around but he travels in his job and is gone a couple of weeks a month. My daughter in law seems to have no idea how to discipline the girls and just lets them run wild. The house is a mess and the kids have no schedule except for school. How can I get her to pay more attention to the girls and give them some guidance and discipline?

-Julia



Dear Julia,

Your daughter in law seems to be on her own with the girls quite a bit. For the most part, we learn our parenting skills from our parents so she may not have had any good role model. Whatever the problem is her girls need some guidance. The problem could be also that she is overwhelmed with trying to do all the parenting chores by herself. Since you live close by you could give your daughter in law a break from time to time by taking the girls for an overnight once in a while.

You can’t really take over the parenting and organization for your daughter in law but if you see her doing something right give her lots of praise. If you have a really good relationship with her you could make some suggestions but she may not be open to anything she considers criticism so proceed with caution. Be supportive and helpful but don’t interfere unless you feel the girls might be in danger.

-Sara

How can I get this puppy potty trained?

Dear Sara,

My kids have been begging for a dog for at least two years. A friend’s dog had puppies and they fell in love with one so we brought it home. We are all in love with it now. Sad to say our puppy is not potty trained and everything I’ve tried has failed. I left him outside and he barked and whined the whole time. I have puppy puddles all over the den floor. How can I get this puppy potty trained?

-Roz



Dear Roz,

Puppies are so cute but they can be bad as well. You probably will need to take your puppy out every hour or so for a while. When you catch him peeing or pooping outside give him a treat and tell him “Good Boy.” He will eventually get the message and associate getting a treat with doing his business outside. You can eventually lengthen the time between outside visits. The kids wanted this puppy so they need to help with the potty training too. You can also invest in a crate designed for dogs so that he will have a safe place to stay when you are not available to watch him. Puppies are fun and cute and grow into your best friend.

-Sara