An Extended Engagement

Dear Sara,

I am twenty-two and have been engaged to my boyfriend for four years. He doesn’t seem at all interested in getting married. He has a group of single guys he hangs out with and they go to ball games and play poker and take a yearly trip to Florida for a week. We go out once or twice a week or he comes over and we watch TV but I feel less important than his buddies. I have a job and can support myself but I would like to get married and have a family. How can I get him to understand this?

Dear Abbie,

Your boyfriend seems satisfied with the way things are. This would probably change if he marries you. You would expect him to stay home and hang out with you and the kids and not with the guys. You have waited for four years so how much longer are you willing to wait? it doesn’t seem like he’s ready to settle down. He has things the way he wants. What you have to ask yourself is how long are you willing to wait before you get tired and move on.


  1. Abbie so I am in my mid forties. All of the friends I had that I thought were so important in my twenties are all gone now for the most part. If he lets you go he will be one lonely guy when he gets older. You might want to talk to him about it and say
    “what are you going to do in ten years when all of your friends are married?” If he doesn’t take it seriously that may be a sign to move on. He seems satisfied now with the way things are because its available to him in the present moment. But I know from experience the likelihood of it always being that way is extremely slim. He will find out the question is will he find out when its too late or before its too late.

  2. Josephine Ogden says:

    There is an old country saying…no one buys a cow he can milk for nothing…dump this bull! He waiting for someone else, but it’s not you…sad.


    Well I know how some women feel I’m 53 very good looking healthy man, I have been with my fiance yes I said fiance now for almost 16 years, guess what I’m still not married, I did propose to her but here I still, reason being she hasn’t married me yet is because of money, if she marries me she looses her VA check wow money is more important then me I guess, any opinions or answers

    • MPNewell says:

      Sounds to me like she is worried about losing the security of her VA check. Maybe you need to have an open and frank discussion with her about your joint finances so she would be willing to see the whole picture. There may be other reasons for her reluctance. You seem like a very nice, patient man and she may need reassuring that you will provide for her if she loses her VA benefit.

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