Accusing Husband

Dear Sara,

My husband is accusing me of being unfaithful. This is totally not true. I have never even thought about another man. I feel like he is trying to manipulate me somehow. We have two kids and our one year old has red hair. Neither of us has red hair so he feels that this baby must be someone else’s child. How can I convince him he is wrong.
Dear Sylvia,

When someone has an idea like this it’s often difficult to convince them otherwise. You can let him know about the genetics that are involved and hope he is convinced.

You probably both have a recessive gene that is associated with red hair. Genes are pieces of DNA that each have instructions for one small part of you. A gene for red hair is recessive so a person needs two copies of that gene for it to show up or be expressed. One from each of you. That means that even if both parents carry the gene, just one in four of their children will turn out to be a redhead. As a result families with no redheads for decades can suddenly develop a carrot top in their midst.

I hope you can explain this to your husband and that he will believe you.


  1. Dear Sylvia,

    There are tests to prove that a child’s real father
    Is but the issue here is a trust issue. All unto
    itself. When you have to go out and prove yourself to someone you have had two kids
    with it really is hurtful for him to say that to
    you in the first place. My daughter has red in
    her hair and that came from her Grandmother.
    Recessive traits are unique qualities
    in a child and you shouldn’t be blamed for a trait your child was blessed with and have it be
    used against you.

  2. We have several children – some of whom do not have our blood types… The doctor told us that some things can go back at least 4 generations and not to give it a second thought.

  3. I come from a family of redheads: my father, myself and my youngest son. Interestingly, my father was the ONLY redhead in a family of ten kids (my grandparents weren’t redheads). However, I have former in-laws with a daughter and two sons. Neither parents have red hair – or even grandparents, but their youngest son is a redhead. Fortunately, his father is a doctor and knows about recessive genes. He never had a second doubt about his son! Sylvia needs to shed some light to her husband with some scientific facts! One concern I’d have is if he’s treating the redheaded child equally to the others!

  4. Bad Penguin says:

    I’d highly suggest that if this was a big issue find a genetic testing facility and both of the parents go for testing with both kids. When the results come back have a doctor explain the results and why one child my look different from the other. I should add that I come from a family of 5 children and of the 5 my oldes sister and my little brother look alike. Mu youngest sister and I look alike and my other sister doesn’t look like anyone in the family! And yes we all got genetically tested.

  5. Have DNA testing done so you don’t have to put up with your husband’s accusations. But think of this, cheaters think everyone cheats, so does he have something he is feeling guilty about? Is jealous of time you spend with female friends? Contoling? Abusive? Do you want to spend your life with a man who treats you this way? If he is abusive get help, information and build an escape plan, don’t just leave, cause he is sure to find you and the kids. If he’s a good guy, get the rest and shut him up for once and all! Bless you.

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