6-Year-Old Is More Than I Can Handle

Dear Sara,

My son is six years old and is more than I can handle. If he doesn’t get his way, he stomps and screams and can be destructive. He did OK in preschool and kindergarten but now that he is in first grade he bullies the other kids and can be disruptive in class. I have talked to his teacher several times but I can’t be there to try to make him cooperate. His older brother is nothing like this and I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I hope he can stay in school because It is such a relief to have him away from home during the day. What can I do to help my son so he can stay in school?
-Christina




Dear Christina,

As you can see, each child has their own personality. I’m sure it was a shock for you going from raising a cooperative child to one who seems to enjoy making chaos.

At home you have to be strong and not let him draw you into his little dramas. If he is uncooperative or being disrespectful, don’t hesitate to send him to his room. Even if his room is not an unpleasant place for him to be, he will have time to cool down and you can have some peace.

Don’t feel like you have to give in just because he is having a tantrum. Try to stay calm and do what is best for your son. You are the adult.

The school is responsible for dealing with him during school hours. His behavior is out of your hands during this time. If his teacher isn’t able to get his cooperation in class he may be sent to a school where there are fewer students and more help.

Your son may continue to try to push you to your limit. You can only do your best and try not to let him manipulate you.
-Sara

Comments

  1. In my day my dad would make us do the switch dance. It worked everytime. Sending the little brat to his room will never work.

    • Bad Penguin says:

      My dad did the same. He didnt beat us, but the switch (silver maple to be exact) did give us the incentive to behave. I was probably 7 when I was last spanked and I grew up quite well. I have been quite successful in molding my kids into children that havent needed to be spanked.

  2. Girl, not sounds racist! But are you white or black?
    I’m a mother of four, my older is 30 and youngest is 20. I’m also a grandmother of a 2 year old. Spanking is what he needs. Sending him to his room is ok . But what is that. Just like you said , he have everything in there. So that not punishment to him. Not saying to beat him. But kids HAVE to know, when he do something wrong , he really in trouble! Just talking to him, not going to get it. It haven’t yet! I only had one that really gave me trouble, and it really started in middle school. But, I did what I had to do. And he Graduated from Johnson C Smith, with a business degree. And works in hospital in Charlotte. I have three college graduates and my last one at Winston-Salem university , right now. As for my 2 year old granddaughter, yes I discipline her too. And I was a single parent, rising three boys! Girl you can do it Just take control and let know who’s in control! YOU!!!!

    • Bad Penguin says:

      Your last line was spot on. TAKE CONTROL! To many parents let their children have the control in the home.

  3. Every thing I did and done for my kids, was out of pure love. They knew that too! And have thank me for it!

  4. I like most kids of my era the 50′s and 60′s . Acted out against restrictive rules and because I say so attitudes. My back side felt the belt more than once along with a willow switch by my G’ma. rightly so. Corporal punishment can go to far, as I will testify to. Time outs are one way of discipline and sit in the corner for some time is not a reflective time of what did I do wrong . Sit them down and explain why it is the punishment they deserve for their behavior. Children today are wussies, crying about every little thing that does not go their way, safe zones away from discourse so those who do not agree with their thinking only makes it worse. It is a sad thing the death of children at any cost or manner. Get the gadget’s away from them and do not buy the fighting and war games they play on many devices. That is not helping them why it is wrong to harm any living thing. Only GOD has the right to take life from living beings, seeing that He created it all. Think about your stance with our LORD !!

  5. I would recommend getting counseling for this out of control child before it’s forever too late. This type of behavior needs to be “nipped in the bud” or he’s going to be impossible to control. Some positive reinforcement should be used any time he exhibits good behavior and be sure he feels loved. All the best, you certainly have a challenge on your hands!

  6. Just in case this is something other than bad behavior, you should have him checked for Aspergers Syndrome. It is on the autism spectrum, and tantrums are common.

  7. I’ve raised three kids and seen many many others including their friends and kids I’ve worked with in various youth programs. If you have a strong willed kid, you have to set boundaries at a very early age and stick to them, no exceptions. If a strong willed kid thinks there is even a 1% chance that you will cave and they will get their way, they will be a terror. So many parents will say “if you do this, this will happen” in an attempt to set boundaries, only to cave in because the kid starts screaming or worse. That kid has now learned that screaming or worse will get them what they want and it is very hard to unlearn.

  8. Granny in Ga says:

    Take action before it is too late. A good switching when he cuts up ought to be routine. Talking or timeout just won’t cut it! I did not have a good switch bush in my yard after a move, so I grabbed a spatula from the kitchen and gave their backsides a few good whacks. Now my 3 are a lawyer, a banker, and a Boy Scout mom. They all turned out. And my 7 grandkids look like they will turn out ok too. A little application to the rear end gets a kid’s attention.

    • I ping pong paddle works better than a switch. I had both and I had to go pick out the switch. The ping pong paddle stings and does not leave marks or bruises. There is a HUGH difference between discipline and a beating. Afterwards,,,ALWAYS tell them that you love them and that their bad behavior will never be accepted.

    • Sorry,,,also,,,NEVER never use your hand. Hands are for touching and loving.

  9. Sara, I am a kindergarten teacher and I do NOT agree with at school it is up to the school. The parent raised the child to school age so it is on them. The teacher and the parent need to work together for the child’s best interest as well as the classroom and other students. Schools have their hands tied in so many ways so the parent needs to work in tandem with the classroom teacher. Start with strict home notes. Christina make his room as unpleasant as possible. NO toys NO computer, NO TV, NO books. You can take all away but his bed, a blanket, and one change of clothes. He can slowly earn the rest back with good behavior at school and home. You will think you are mean. He will call you names. Cry into your pillow at night but do not let him see you or you lost the game. Be calm but do not give in. No negotiations. Be aware of how to talk to him. Do not ask unless you are willing to accept a no. Things will change as long as you stick to your plan. PRAY for God’s guidance. I have had many kinders in my class with this problem. With parents working with me and being strict within a month or two the child is back to normal. Don’t give in dear. YES I know it hurts. It will get better.

  10. THANK YOU! Yes, dear parents…it is discipline that is needed. Starting with Dr. O’leary and all his “time out” bull children have gone down the tubes and taken marriages, home life, classrooms and society with them. A good whack is what they need, (not a bone breaker, please) just a resounding “attention getting” WHACK! With little totes just the “pluff” sound of pants being cushioned by air is enough, you are trying to shame them and provide negative feedback. If you don’t get this early you will have a brat on your hands threatening to beat you, sue you and call the law on you….because they have NO RESPECT FOR YOU. The next stage is bullying, then criminal behavior and domestic violence…game over, everyone looses. CATCH IT EARLY and make your efforts COUNT, hesitate and you have lost the game.

    • Sorry, James, and the others on here who seem to think HITTING (you call it ‘spanking’) is the right form of discipline. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! Research has proven time and again this is one of the WORST forms of discipline. Don’t give me your biblical reference since there’s a LOT in the ‘good book’ that’s no longer valid (keeping a wife pretty much a slave to her husband’s every need, for starters). If you TRULY want to discipline your child the proper way, look it up online and learn the PROPER use of time-out and taking away activities or possessions as discipline. Spanking is NOTHING more than being too lazy to teach your child WHY he is being disciplined – instead of just a smack! With some of the comments above, I’m appalled when some have to suggest being careful not to ‘leave a mark’ on the child. WOW!

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