18 Year Old Mother Needs Help

Dear Sara,

I’m eighteen and missed my prom because I was eight months pregnant. The baby is doing fine, it’s me that’s a mess. I have been staying at home and taking care of the baby. My Mom works so she isn’t any help. The baby’s father has gone away to college so it’s just me and the baby most of the time. I was planning on going to college and working to pay for it. Now all my plans are out the window so to speak. I love my baby. However, I am seriously thinking of giving her up for adoption, but that really hurts my heart. I need some advice on what to do.
-Kelly






Dear Kelly,

Nobody but you can really make this decision. It sounds like you are bonded with your baby so it would be really difficult for you to give her up.

Part of the problem is that you are so isolated. At your age you are used to having a social life and being with other people. A lot of young mothers have the same problem so check online to see if there is a group that you could join. You could take classes online if you are serious about your education.

Another option would be to put your baby in daycare and find a job. Without an education your job options will be limited but you would be out in the world and not as isolated as you are now.

If you decide that what you really want is to give your baby up for adoption, try to get some counseling for a while. You will need someone you can talk to as you go through this.

Good luck.
-Sara

Comments

  1. Young lady I know it hard now , but you need to think twice or three times before you give up the child . You are only 18 and you could go to college a little later and have your lovely child with you . I feel you will regret giving your child up for adoption as the years pass . I knew a young lady years ago that had a child as a high schooler and she does not regret keeping her child . Also I commend you for not aborting the child

    • So totally, totally agree.

      It is your child… but you will regret giving her up. So your education gets delayed by a few years. Big deal… but you do have options like studying online. You may find that there is work out there that you can do, and enjoy. Going to college means a big millstone around your neck. Studies have shown vast majority of trades pay better over the long term because there is no financial payback for studies required. Technology is moving so fast that a degree you start today could be obsolete and redundant come graduation day. Your little girl will never be obsolete or redundant.

  2. Lately we’ve been watching the TLC show, “Finding Lost Family”, (I know it’s a basic promo for Ancestry) but it still has some validity to the idea that adoption seems to be the source of a lot of sorrow and sadness because even as adults, knowing who your birth-parents or children are is huge. Whatever you do be careful. I know of a family member who was in similar circumstances but found ways & means to keep her child and all are happy and have been for decades instead of dealing with grieving any loss.

  3. As much as new babies are in demand, you might be able to find a couple or a single lady to ‘share’ your baby with. I have always believed in open adoptions. There is no reason why you could not find someone to adopt your baby that would agree to visitation rights similar to what divorced parents do. You should definitely use a lawyer to negotiate any such document. You could even write in allowances for renegotiation of the contract when your circumstances change. Just keep in mind that any adoptive parent will also bond with your child and should be given visitation rights for life. No child has ever had too many people to love and care for them.

  4. Lourdes sloane says:

    My sister in law gave has baby boy away when she was 16 years old now she is 71 years old and her whole life was messed up because of giving her baby boy away she had 4 other children but she is still broken today about the one she gave away baby’s are gifts from God hope you keep your baby because in your tomorrow your baby will be a Awesome Blessing to you I have 4 children and my last child I was going to give it up but Thank God I didn’t and I was 40 years old with 3 children my life at that time was very hard but now Joshua is 32 years old and what a big Blessing he is in my life today so Please just tell God thank you for my Beautiful baby may the Lord Bless you and keep you because your baby is a Blessing just for you

  5. Granny in Ga says:

    There are many loving families who can give your daughter a wonderful home. I urge you to talk to the baby’s father and consider the option of letting her be adopted. You need to finish your education, get a job, and build a life with someone who will take responsibility with you for future children. It does not sound to me like the baby’s daddy is going to do that. The baby needs a good, loving dad and a mother who is ready to love and take care of her. You could work out an open adoption. Get a lawyer and consider this option.

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