I have been married for ten years and we have two children ages seven months and three years. I work long hours to support my family. I feel that I have lost that connection that my wife Laura and I used to have. I love my kids but I feel displaced by them. Laura seems too busy for me now. We used to have fun together and get romantic but she doesn’t seem interested. What can I do to reconnect with my wife?
Your marriage needs to be nurtured just like anything that you value. Think about your relationship before you married and had kids. You both wanted to be together and wanted to talk and be listened to and snuggle and cuddle. This part of a relationship has to be maintained in order for it to remain healthy.
If the family focus is only on the children and their needs, the parents relationship may wither and die from neglect. With two preschoolers Laura may feel overloaded and tired a lot. She may need help from you so that she can feel that she has a few minutes to take a deep breath. I realize that you are working long hours but your marriage is important.
If you want to reconnect then you will have to plan some time alone. A whole weekend would be good. Make Laura feel really special. She is probably feeling the same emotional disconnect that you are. If you feel you can’t get away for a whole weekend then plan to have a weekly date where you can spend a few hours talking and reconnecting. Try to find a good babysitter so Laura won’t have to worry about the kids.
Tell Laura how you feel and she will see that this is important to you. Don’t give up and things will eventually get back to normal. She is just overloaded right now.