Parenting With Sara

Dear Sara,

My husband has a great job that pays really well. His company needs him in another location so we have to relocate. There is no other comparable job in this area so we don’t feel we have a choice. We have a sixteen year old daughter who is very upset. She is a cheerleader at her high school, she has lots of friends and she has been dating a young man who is her class mate. I realize what a problem this move is for her but I don’t see any other choice. How can I help her adjust?

-Carrie



Dear Carrie,

This move is going to be really difficult for your daughter so you will have to be really patient with her. She seems to have lots of social skills which will be important to her adjustment to her new location. She will miss her old friends but it won’t be long before she has new ones.

Even if she is far away she can still keep in touch with her friends. Kids spend lots of time on line and texting and she will still be able to do these things. Until she adjusts to her new surroundings you might let her spend some weekends or vacation time with her friends. She needs the comfort of her old world while she adjusts to the new one. This will be a big challenge for your daughter but sometimes this can be a good thing. Growing up means learning to deal with change.

-Sara

Dear Sara,

My daughter wants a bra. She’s eleven years old and doesn’t need one. We have been fighting about this for three or four months and she just won’t let up. She tells me that all her friends are wearing bras and she is the only one who doesn’t have one. Should I give in or make her wait until she needs one?

-Donna




Dear Donna,

This is not a moral issue but a social one. Your daughter’s friends may or may not have bras but she seems to feel that her social status is lacking because she doesn’t have one. Why not give in on this one and save your battles for bigger more important issues.

She is just going into her preteen years. This is a difficult time for girls and how she fits into her group is very important to her. If she has a good group of friends be supportive. Being left out of the group is very difficult for any child.

-Sara

Dear Sara,

My husband and I have three kids. We are in a mess financially. We both work but with daycare, car payments and house payment we seem to be going in the hole every month. This is so stressful and I know that the kids are feeling it too. I want to get back on track financially but it just feels impossible. How do I start getting out of this mess?

-Melanie




Dear Melanie,

The first step is wanting to change things and you seem to be at that point now. One of the foundations of a solid marriage and family is the ability to manage money. There is an underlying anxiety that the kids sense or feel because no one is in charge of financial responsibility. Your first step has to be to create a budget. You and your husband can start by writing down every single thing that you spend down on paper and start to find things that you can cut back on. Let your kids see what you are doing and show them what needs to be done. They need to know what the budget is and what they can expect. Dave Ramsey’s book, Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness, has a step by step program for getting your financial act together. It won’t be easy and it may take a while but it will be worth it to be rid of all that stress.

Good luck.
-Sara

Dear Sara,

My two-year-old son is getting to be quite a little escape artist. If he sees any opportunity he will take off. He also likes to climb and will get up before we do in the morning and pull a chair up and get the cereal box out and help himself. So far he hasn’t been hurt but I am very concerned. He seems to think of things that I haven’t even considered. How can I stay ahead of him?

-Carrie

Dear Carrie,

Your son seems very active so you are right to be concerned. At this point, you can begin to set limits and reward his good behavior and give consequences for his bad behavior but you also have to make your home baby proof. Since your son is so active you might start by putting the chain/slide lock at the top of your exterior doors. This will prevent him from going outside when you aren’t looking. They also make childproof locks for kitchen cabinets. You can install them in the kitchen and bathroom. If you don’t mind him eating cereal before you get up, you could leave it out where he won’t have to climb to get it,

You need to be especially concerned about locking up medications. Kids like baby aspirin, chewable vitamins, and cough meds. Sometimes even picky eaters will eat colorful pills. Your caution in this area could save you a scary trip to the ER to have your son’s stomach pumped. One more thing to think about. Since your son likes to climb, if you have a heavy bookcase you might want to bolt it to the wall so that he can’t pull it over on himself.

Two-year-olds are really cute and can be a lot of fun but they have no idea of danger. Keeping him safe can be a real challenge. Good luck.

-Sara

Dear Sara,

My eighteen-year-old son has graduated from high school and is enrolled in the college in our area. He has refused to attend. All of his life we have talked about him going to college and then on to medical school. One of his first toys was a doctor’s set. This has always been my dream for him but he said that he wants to play in a band with his friends instead. They are petty good but I can’t see them going anywhere except locally. I feel like he is wasting his life. What can I do or say to make him see that he is making a wrong choice?

-Laura

Dear Laura,

When kids reach the age that your son is now, they feel that they are old enough and smart enough to make their own choices. You have to hope that the way you have parented him has equipped him to make good choices. The dream that you have had all these years may have been your dream but not your son’s. He may have agreed with you to make you happy but when the time came to follow through, he decided to follow what he thinks is right for him.

See if you can get your son to at least go to college part time and drop your insistence on medical school. He may be more agreeable to attending school if you let up on the pressure. Be supportive of his musical career but let him know that continuing school is in his best interest even if he doesn’t feel he needs a degree. You have had a dream all these years and you must be terribly disappointed but this is your son’s life and he is determined to make his own choices.

-Sara